Jokes about men

T

toddess

0
Q How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Q How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

Q How do men exercise on the beach?
A By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A Make him wear shoes.

Q How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
 
LMAO, you see, why can't you post funny stuff all the time rather than negative crap everywhere
 
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
 
Men Are Like...

... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

... Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
 
the horoscopes thing is more accurate about women in my experience :p
"If you know what needs to be done and how to do it, then do it yourself!"

The rest of them are true, though.
 
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