Joke of the day
- Thread starter kushy28
- Start date
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some
Problems at home and were giving
Each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, 'Please wake me at
5:00AM.' He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see
why his wife hadn't wakened him, when
he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
A man and his wife were having some
Problems at home and were giving
Each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, 'Please wake me at
5:00AM.' He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see
why his wife hadn't wakened him, when
he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
K
Kasey
Guest
That's hilarious!
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."
"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
THE CAT:
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we're tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we're tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"