Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la hahahahaha. I just thought I would drop a little something in here for all to read. I notice I get more readers than commenters so this is for everyone in need of a good laugh. I recieved this from my dad this morning and I thought it was very funny because it's so true. ENJOY! 
Forward:
>To All My Online Friends:
>
>As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
>you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
>past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and
>wealthy.
>
>Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
>envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
>seal an envelope.
>
>Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
>remove toilet stains.
>
>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
>products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
>pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
>water buffalo on a hot day.
>
>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
>perfume sample and rob me.
>
>I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
>since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
>number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
>Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
>I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
>mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
>my free replacement pair from Nike.
>
>I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
>now have their recipe.
>
>I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>angels looking out for me.
>
>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
>minutes.
>
>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
>about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
>
>I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive
>the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
>their special email program.
>
>Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
>now return the favor!
>
>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
>7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on
>your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
>because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
>ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
>
>Happy Holidays in Advance and Merry Christmas !
Forward:
>To All My Online Friends:
>
>As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
>you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
>past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and
>wealthy.
>
>Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
>envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
>seal an envelope.
>
>Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
>remove toilet stains.
>
>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
>products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
>pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
>water buffalo on a hot day.
>
>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
>perfume sample and rob me.
>
>I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
>since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
>number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
>Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
>I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
>mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
>my free replacement pair from Nike.
>
>I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
>now have their recipe.
>
>I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>angels looking out for me.
>
>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
>minutes.
>
>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
>about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
>
>I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive
>the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
>their special email program.
>
>Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
>now return the favor!
>
>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
>7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on
>your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
>because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
>ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
>
>Happy Holidays in Advance and Merry Christmas !