My Fitness Magazine emailer had this story in it today -I know I'm guilty of apologizing and also accepting responsibility for everything... so I thought I'd share cause I can't be alone-- I'm sorry if I am 
Why We Apologize too Much, and how to stop
Why We Apologize too Much, and how to stop
Why We Apologize Too Much, and How to StopMany women make apologizing a habit -- either to avoid conflict, to please others, or simply as a social crutch. Here's why, and how to stop.By Stacy Baker
The "I'm Sorry" HabitIf you're like many women, saying "I'm sorry" has become a habit, something you murmur before asking a stranger the time or telling the dry cleaner he missed a spot. Experts observe that women apologize more often than men and for a wider variety of reasons.
When it's heartfelt, an apology has the power to mend a broken friendship, soften an uncomfortable situation, or show that you're confident enough to own up to your mistakes. But issuing a steady stream of regrets not only trivializes a genuine apology, it can also undermine your credibility and confidence. "By taking responsibility for things that aren't your fault, you denigrate your self-esteem," says Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On with Your Life (Wiley, 2004).
According to experts, there are specific patterns of behavior that people who overapologize subconsciously follow. The key is to identify which one you fall into by tracking when you ask for forgiveness and from whom. Below are three common apology patterns. Once you've pinpointed yours, you can take the necessary steps to mend your "sorry" ways and express yourself with confidence.
Avoiding ConflictYou're Sorry 'Cuz: It's how you avoid conflictThe roots of overapologizing can often be traced to family relationships. People who grew up with critical, demanding parents or bullying siblings frequently apologize as a way to placate others and avoid confrontation. "Early in life, they discovered that expressing regret, whether they agreed with the criticism or not, caused the other person to calm down, and they've continued this behavior as they've gotten older," explains Susan Heitler, PhD, a psychologist in Denver and coauthor of The Power of Two Workbook (New Harbinger Publications, 2003). Women who fall into this category often say "I'm sorry" to stop or prevent an argument with their partner. But by habitually jumping in with an apology, they set themselves up to be the one at fault. "If you're the only one taking responsibility, it reinforces the idea that when things go wrong, you are the bad guy," says Heitler.
Why Take the Blame?If you tend to play the guilty party, ask yourself how you feel when you're taking the blame -- are you intimidated, ashamed, or resentful? If so, the dynamics of the union are such that he is the authority and you are in the weaker position. To even things out, the next time a potential disagreement arises, find other ways to cool off. Try taking a moment to get a glass of water and collect your thoughts. During the mini break, Helene Brenner, PhD, author of I Know I'm in There Somewhere (Gotham, 2004), recommends asking yourself, "What do I know to be true about this situation?" This allows you to focus on your reality rather than being swayed by your partner's emotions.
Break the HabitWhen it's time to talk, try what Heitler calls a "find the mis-" conversation, which presumes that most arguments are based on misunderstanding. When you're disagreeing about, say, who was supposed to finish a report at work, steer the discussion toward uncovering the miscommunication. Use less accusatory language, such as "I guess it was unclear who would edit the final presentation on Tuesday." "Once you determine how the mix-up occurred, you can create a plan to prevent it from happening again," she says.
Unconscious Social ApologiesYou're Sorry 'Cuz: It's your social crutchUnlike offering a genuine mea culpa (the kind you'd extend for forgetting a lunch date), some people unconsciously use apologies to fill in the gaps in awkward social situations: Rather than ask someone to speak up, you might say, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." "Saying 'I'm sorry' is often simply a conversation smoother, a way to ease social tension," says Linda Tillman, PhD, an Atlanta-based psychologist.
By shouldering responsibility for every uncomfortable occurrence, you risk blowing innocent situations out of proportion or inviting others to fault you as well. The key to getting past this tendency is to become mindful of how often you apologize. If you have trouble keeping track, enlist a friend or family member to help. Then take steps to break the habit by focusing on improving your everyday interactions with strangers.
Break the HabitConcentrate on simply asking, "What time is it?" for example, instead of saying, "I'm sorry, do you have the time?" The more you practice daily interactions without apologizing, the easier it will be to break the pattern.
Minor ErrorsYou're Sorry 'Cuz: You're a people pleaserFor the overly solicitous, a minor transgression such as forgetting someone's name can leave them unable to move on without incessantly repeating how bad they feel about the mistake.
In addition, this personality type is often unable to have a detached, "Hey, we all mess up" outlook after a slipup. For example, if you're 15 minutes late for an appointment with your boss because of traffic, you not only apologize profusely but mentally beat yourself up throughout the meeting.
People pleasers tend to offer up apologies as a way to avoid rejection. For example, they may unleash a torrent of "sorry"s for accidentally taking someone's seat at a party, so they won't garner that person's contempt or disdain. "But rather than deflect a negative response, chronic apologizing sends the subtle message that you're not up to par," says Tillman.
Break the HabitCut yourself some slack. "Instead of getting hung up on begging pardon, acknowledge the error, express regret, and move on," says Heitler. Consider how you will handle a similar situation differently next time; for instance, will you call your boss to let her know you'll be late? Or perhaps you'll have an alternate route in mind if you get stuck again. "Instead of continuing to feel guilty, you've empowered yourself to handle future mistakes," says Heitler.
You may also try replacing repeated "I'm sorry"s with "I made a mistake" -- and say it only once. This takes responsibility for the error, and the change in phrasing makes you aware when you start to issue a rote apology. Each time you successfully insert the replacement statement, note how confident you feel, which boosts your self-esteem.
Originally published in Fitness magazine, December 2005.