I'm really worried and stressed about my life

[nidda.c]

I came here after watching some of link removed videos on youtube.
I've previously used myfitnesspal but in the long term it didn't work for me.

I'm a female who is 32 years old and 270 lbs.
I've had a strong realization lately that I want to get married and have a child or children if that is possible.
In order to do that I need to lose weight though.

I'm struggling with the fact that I have 140+ lbs to lose and that I have closing window of opportunity to have a healthy child considering my age. I want to have a baby before I am 35 because I am scared of the health implications to myself and my future child otherwise. Therefore, a part of me wants to give up already before even starting this journey thinking it is impossible to lose that much weight + get some miracle spouse + get pregnant before I'm 35. It seems very unrealistic and I feel crushed by this reality all the time, which is why I always self-sabotage.

 

[Llama]

Welcome to the forum, Nidda! The good news is that you don't have to wait until you've lot weight before you start dating. Believe me: it doesn't get less scary just because you weigh less. And since I assume you want to get to know the guy a little before getting pregnant that's a lot of time to change your food habits. What's the plan?

 

[nidda.c]

Welcome to the forum, Nidda! The good news is that you don't have to wait until you've lot weight before you start dating. Believe me: it doesn't get less scary just because you weigh less. And since I assume you want to get to know the guy a little before getting pregnant that's a lot of time to change your food habits. What's the plan?

tl;dr It's complicated.
But, in regard to the plan, I started my diary today since that seemed like an interesting thing to do.

Well it's a little bit more complicated because I believe in arranged marriage. That means that I can have conversations with any potential spouse before marriage to talk about their philosophy or goals in life, but I'm not going to meet them one-on-one to know them at a deep level. I believe that human beings are always evolving and changing so dating doesn't always work either to get to know someone. At any time something could happen to someone that completely changes their personality even after marriage.

The other complicated part is that I come from a Middle Eastern background, and people in this culture are very judgmental about those who are even a little bit overweight. My sister gave birth three months ago and my aunts were already asking her when she was planning to lose weight. Therefore, no one takes me seriously as a potential spouse.

The last point is I don't think I should get into a relationship until I can begin to love myself. Otherwise, I'll be unhappy wherever and make the other person unhappy too.

 

[Llama]

Ok, that does complicate things a little. At the same time: finding a long-term partner is always complicated. I'm no good at it! But I do know that it's easier to live healthily from a place of self-love, or at least respect, than from despair or self-hate. Also: people who nag young moms about their weight suck!

 

[nidda.c]

Ok, that does complicate things a little. At the same time: finding a long-term partner is always complicated. I'm no good at it! But I do know that it's easier to live healthily from a place of self-love, or at least respect, than from despair or self-hate. Also: people who nag young moms about their weight suck!

I agree people who nag young moms do suck and anyone is general tbh. It's not okay for strangers to make critical remarks to other people even if they have good intentions. It is demoralizing.

I'm trying to become that person who starts loving myself again T____T. I've learned recently that depression has a lot to do with the food you put in your body and exercise so I'm trying to become a more self-aware and learned eater.

 

[misty22]

I find your diary interesting. I have lived in the middle east and I understand the cultural concerns. I'm 36 years old now, no kids and it's scary to think if or when I will have them. I also have PCOS.

I'm glad you're thinking about your mental health and weight, they sometimes are combined. Happy to help support your journey =)

 

[mechan771999]

welcome to forum