How's my essay?

This essay is on the pressures that men face to look muscular. I've already handed it in but I'd like to know what you guys think of it.And it is more focused towards teens

Do men face pressure to look a certain way?

James Stewart is in Grade 10. He’s a great student but really hates gym. Everyone is bigger than him so it’s hard to keep up during hockey and football. When they go to the weight room, he feels embaressed and ashamed that he has trouble lifting the bar when everyone else can bench 150 pounds. The locker room can be a nightmare as well since everybody is more developed than him. Sometimes friends will laugh at him and call him names, it’s all in good fun but James still feels ashamed. On tv he sees ads for Bowflex telling him to get strong now, but Bowflexes are expensive and when he goes to the store, he sees Men’s Health magazines and underwear packages with muscular men on them further painting the idea that he’s small and weak into his brain. Then whenever girls invite him to a pool party he makes an excuse to say he can’t go because he’s afraid a girl will laugh at him when he sees him take his shirt off.Does this sound like you? If so you’re facing the pressure of having to look muscular. I’m going to tell you how males face pressure from the media, girls and their peers.

I think the primary source of pressure is the media. Magazines play a big part of that and at the center of it all is Men’s Health. Men’s Health is not primarily about muscle and fitness but by only looking at the cover you’s think it would be. I rounded up 10 Men’s Health magazines from around my house. All of them were rated good looking by my sister Devon and 8 she was attracted to. 8 of them were muscular looking, 4 of them were shirtless. Overall of the covers there are 22 phrases related to muscle or workouts. 3 of them were the exact same phrase: The easy way to hard abs. Now what does that say to men?Well even though there are other things in Men’s Health the cover picture is always related to fitness. I think they’re saying the most important thing in life is being muscular. Now Men’s Health is not the only magazine like that. There are tons of other magazines that are only focused on being muscular. Now these are probably focused towards bodybuilders, but came a guy walking past the rack at Chapters inadequate. Now there are also some tv ads that are offenders, particularly Bowflex and Perfect Pushup. Now I see these ads from time to time. Bowfelx almost always has a muscular man using the machine and it comes with the promise of seeing results in 6 weeks. Now if you use it you probably see results but most people are probably under the immpression that if you used it for 6 weeks that you would have huge biceps and ripped abs just like that guy. In reality it would probably take you a year to look like him depending on your condition. Then there’s the Perfect Pushup it also feature a muscular man flexing his bicep and other muscles but it fools the viewer by saying it works the abs, but in reality pushups have nothing to do with them. Now pushups work really well but I don’t think they can make you look like that no matter how perfect they are. In a survey of boys exercise was more considered doing than change of eating habits. Which I think have direct roots to those ads because it looks like all you have to do is lift weights to have a great body instead of also eating healthier, more or less. Of course they face many more pressures from the media like when looking at underwear packages at a store or seeing movies that I could talk more about but I don’t have room. And it’s not just men that have this pressure, it’s women too.Now I’m not talking about the female body image because that’s an entirely different essay, but I’m talking about the pressure that women have{from the media, to have a really hot guy like someone out of People’s Sexiest Man Alive. That in turn puts pressure on men to look that way to get women. It’s a stereotype that women love kmen with big muscles. Now not all women do, but there are defiantly some that do. I wondered if some women admired them so much that they would sit through 2 hours of intense violence and gore just to see lots of muscular men. I am talking about the movie 300. I asked on Yahoo Answers “Ladies If you watched 300 did you watch it for the movie or for the big muscular men. I got 10 answers. One user said “ The only reason to watch was for the male bodies,” Another said “ I would have liked it if they weren’t the way they were but let’s just say I wouldn’t have watched it twice.” So 20% of the answers were that they watched it for the muscular men. So could it be asuumed that 20% of women look for muscular men and favor them. Now 20% may not see like much but it is one-fifth of all women. Also like men, women feel pressure by the media over men as well. As it portrays males as muscular, strong, good looking etc. Could it be that it’s coming to be what women expect from men. If it is it’s a serious problem. But for teenagers, their biggest pressure point isn’t women, it’s each other...

Being a teen is a stressful time in a person’s life and nowadays it’s even harder for boys as they have to contend with being muscular and strong. Now muscle starts to become available after puberty. 13-14 is a normal age for it to start but it can happen as young as 10 and as even as late as 18.That means some aren’t even developed enough to have significant amounts of strength. This can be a nightmare to those people when they’re in the change room and they see the developed bodies and they feel embaressed they aren’t like them. Sometimes people will tease weak people calling them sissies and stuff like that. That reduces self esteem and puts a negative light on themselves. Another thing for teens is sports. If you’re really shourt and small that puts you at a big disadvantage, especially in a contact sport like hockey as a 14 year old 6'0 180 pounder is going to squish a 5'0 90 pounder.

Males face pressure to look muscular. A lot of times males only weight train because they want to look good for women but unlike the way girls are facing pressure, being muscular is actually very healthy. Here are the benefits other than looking good or being strong: Faster metabolism, lower blood pressure in stressful situations, burn fat more efficiently, less of a chance of getting diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure, great for posture and you’ll have lots more energy, so go ahead if you’d like to make those changes but don’t give in to the pressure.
 
Many of your sentences start with 'now, .... ' Try and cut that out.

Also, generally I've been taught not to ask rhetorical questions in essays. But I like doing it all the same. But still, perhaps edit that too.

Using words like 'tons' could be replaced with 'many'? Finally, some connectives would be good.

Otherwise it's pretty good. What's it for?
 
I think you needed to have the essay proofed.

I do not see a thesis. You're missing several semi-colons and you've missed several other key grammatical mistakes. There are several sentences and dependent clauses that do not make sense they way they are read. You don't have an apparent flow with the order of points and there are several jarring instances in your paper.

The problem with writing essays is that not only should the content be shaped well but also that the presentation of the paper has to be developed well or it distracts the reader.
 
I think you needed to have the essay proofed.

I do not see a thesis. You're missing several semi-colons and you've missed several other key grammatical mistakes.

Ditto that again.

The colons aren't always placed correctly. It just doesn't look proof read.
 
I appreciate all the proof reading but I posted it here to see if people agreed with it. Seeing as this is a message board related to fitness.
 
The article is about men's fitness and that is the only thing you should talk about. I felt that the jump to women body image was out of place for this article. The part where you asked women's opinion was okay, but the part where you discussed the pressures women faced was not on topic.

I feel your article doesn't account for anything new. You have to prove that times have changed. Indeed, there are pressures to look good; however, the real question is whether or not this pressure always existed just with a different body ideal (i.e. six pack abs, muscular body, etc)? Children has always been under the constant pressure to fit in with their peers. In the past, obese children were rare in schools and were often outcasts. Can the same be said of today's children with the growing rate of childhood obesity? Could we compare and contrast body image of the past with today’s ideal? For example, look at the James Bond movies. The Bonds of the past didn't have six pack abs, but were muscular and considered "sexy" by women and a body desired by men. Look at Bonds today. Does this body type still exists?
 
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