How Women and Men shower

L

~LV~

2
How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.


Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.



Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins..


Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit..

Wash your f ace with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.


Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.


Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.


Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.


Dry with towel the size of a small country.



Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.


If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your f ace. Wash your armpits.


Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.


Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.


Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.



Wash your butt and private area, leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.


Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.


Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.


Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.


Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.


If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
 
....forward to my wife, because this explains it perfectly.

Thanks, LV.
 
Those statements are all too true. Except I am not sure my wife has any idea what a hamper is for. The panties get rolled down off of her hips and left laying on the floor resembling a twisted pretzel. She also seems to be under the misconception that any and all vertical surfaces were meant for depositing the days clothing. It amazes me how a woman who has such dogmatic bathing ritual can not even hit the friggin hamper or closet. Whew I feel better. Thanks for the vent.
 
OMG, the one about the men is definitely true.

But it doesn't take me more than 10 minutes to shave my legs, pits, trim the bush, wash and condition the hair, and dry off.

And I don't walk around with a towel. Once I'm dry, the towel comes off. I don't care who sees me walking around naked.
 
OMG....so that container in the cabinet is a 'hamper'? Tell me more about this mythical box....

Back in college a guy down the hall figured out a laundry approach we called Clothes Composting. He'd just keep tossing clothes in a giant pile and then removed pieces from the bottom; as the garments passed downward, bacteria, molds and mildews would somehow clean and impart an interesting scent as the process did it's thing. You'd have to add beer and adjust acidity occassionally...but it was a work in progress.

I myself was credited with giving the term "Rise and Shine" a whole new perspective. Each school day I'd rise, contemplate going to class and then say "shine"...and go back to bed. I remember being a sophmore in college...those were some good years! :D
 
calcium said:
I want the truth...Do men really pee in the shower?
Click to expand...

I do. In fact, I do it almost every time I'm in the shower.

As soon as I hear running water, well, I have to go. Why would I get out and use the toilet when I have a perfectly good drain in the shower?

I thought all women peed in the shower.
 
calcium said:
So, I'm the only one that thinks it's gross then?
Click to expand...

We all used to pee in the sinks in our rooms as students so we wouldn't have to walk to the communal toilets at night. I happen to know the girls did this too.

I heard of one guy who took a dump in a shoe box and left it under his bed until the morning because he was too pissed to get out of bed

I wonder why peeing in the shower feels better than peeing in the toilet?
 
Typhon said:
We all used to pee in the sinks in our rooms as students so we wouldn't have to walk to the communal toilets at night. I happen to know the girls did this too.

I heard of one guy who took a dump in a shoe box and left it under his bed until the morning because he was too pissed to get out of bed

I wonder why peeing in the shower feels better than peeing in the toilet?
Click to expand...

:yelrotflmao:

It feels better because you can just let it go, don't even have to pretend like you're aiming...
 
Typhon said:
I heard of one guy who took a dump in a shoe box and left it under his bed until the morning because he was too pissed to get out of bed.
Click to expand...

I'm trying to figure out how he took a dump in a shoe box if he was too pissed to get out of bed ... I bet the sheets were a bit messy and the box was a bit crushed ...

Typhon said:
I wonder why peeing in the shower feels better than peeing in the toilet?
Click to expand...

I don't know, but it really does, doesn't it?

Far better relief factor than sitting on the toilet/standing to pee. Maybe it's because in the shower, men don't have to worry about hitting the toilet, and women don't have to worry about anything. It's quite liberating taking a piss in the shower standing up ;)
 
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