How to overcome fear of failure

[DKonLI]

I am a 37 year old male. Five or so years ago I was at 266 pounds. I got a Fitbit and used Nutrisystem and I got down to 195 pounds. Then I just got off the wagon (plus my wife and I had three kids) and I am back up to 249.

When I got to 195 I was hoping to get to 175. I am 5 foot 8.

I obviously want to lose weight (that's why I'm here) but I don't know where to start. I lost my Fitbit on our family vacation several weeks ago (a week that caused me to lose about 8 pounds from all the walking...but then gain it all back after we got home.) I ordered a new Fitbit.

I read things on this forum about going to the gym and eating grilled chicken and I am so scared that I am going to fail. The fact that I did it once before makes me even more worried that I can't do it again (with a slower metabolism.) I love my kids and I can't use them as an excuse but how I am supposed to go to the gym?

Plus I have Type I (insulin dependent) diabetes which makes this all even more fun.

What can I do? I have no belief that I can do this. I try to cut back on what I am eating and I get so hungry (or at least I think I'm hungry, I don't know how to convince myself that I'm not) that I just go back to eating (even if I keep it up for a few days and lose a few pounds.)

I don't believe I can do it. I am going to fail and I'm always going to be fat. I know how awful I look. I know my clothes don't fit. I know I am an embarrassment. I suck I suck I suck. Even if I lose the weight like I did before I will gain it all back. It happened before like that, why wouldn't it happen again? I am doomed to be fat forever, even I lose weight temporarily. I look at pictures from when I was thinner and I will never look like that again and it's just a tease. The weight will always come back. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I am too unhealthy. I'm not worried about gaining it back yet, I'm worried about how to lose it in the first place since it seems impossible. I will fail. I will fail. I will fail. I am a failure. I am no good. I am meant to be fat. It cannot change. It will not change. I am happy that I joined this forum, but it's not enough. How can I change this? How can I do this for my children?

Reading this, the obvious answer seems to be "change your beliefs" but I have no idea how to do that.

 

[Indymom8753]

You are not a failure! Weight is sooooo hard!!!! You not only have to make a good decision to start, but you have to constantly make good decisions every day! That is why it's hard!! I have recently lost some weight... not as much as you have, but significant to me. The first thing I did was cut out 80-90% of my carbs. I no longer at rice, pasta... very little bread (maybe only a roll at a restaurant), no beer, soda, low potatoes, low sweets (which was tough one). Be aware of every carb you put in front of you. I did eat all the fruit I wanted tho. You could start with just no bread and switch your only beverage to water.

Then, the next thing I did was walk. 4x a week on a treadmill with an incline, 45 minutes each time. I increased my intensity every 2-3 weeks. Is there any way you can swing by the gym right after work? Pack your clothes the night before, take a bag to work. I know you're probably tired, but you're going to feel crappy anyway on the treadmill... ha! Commit to 3 weeks.

I know you probably have kid events, or need to get home, but it would be beneficial to your kids to get your health back! They need you for the long haul, not just in the moment!! You are worth this! You are important! Good Luck!

 

[DKonLI]

Thanks. There is simply no way I can go to the gym with my family life. I won't blame my kids for it, but I guess it means I will be fat forever.

 

[Trusylver]

you do not need to go to the gym to get some exercise, how old are your kids ? getting out of the house and and doing something physical with your kids not only helps you loose weight and improve your health but sets a healthy example for them.

 

[Dara Lee]

Don't beat yourself up and please, make small steps that become habits. I love the suggestion above, give up pasta and bread to start. Drink more water. Congratulate yourself for the small victories. You don't have to go to the gym, go outside and play with the kids, take a short walk when you can. The transformation is worth it. I'm 59 and have lost weight and regained it, however I know each time I lose the weight that I'm on a better path. 2018 is my year, make it your year too!!

 

[DKonLI]

Thank you everyone. I think it is important that I not get my hopes too high since it will devastate me when the weight comes back, as it inevitably will. I will try small steps. I am at 249 on 1/1/2018. I want to be at 247 on 1/8/2018. I know I can't keep the weight off--that's physically and emotionally impossible--but I can't gain it back at all if I don't lose it in the first place.