clairebug07
New member
i just joined yesterday, and here's a little bit about me
(Sorry it's so long!):
age:17
height:5'3.5
cw:??? probably about 108
two summers ago i became anorexic...it started cause i thought 112 was fat and i wanted to weigh 105. i didnt think i could get there, but when i did i was like,"wow, that was easy...i can lose more." then that school year, it spun out of control when i was enrolled in a rigorous geometry honors class which brought a lot of stress, and i became seriously depressed. i remember eating popcorn for lunch at school cause it had the least calories (70) and going to the gym everyday and making sure i burned off all the calories i had eaten, which was usually only about 200-300. cheerleading practice was the hardest...it took so much energy to lift girls that weighed more than me (and scary to think i was under them and they were relying on my frail body to catch them!). i became so sick and weak that i could barely keep my eyes open in pictures! i remember crying to my boyfriend every weekend (im so sorry for putting him through that!) about how i just wanted to have fun and be happy, but i couldn't cause my ed and obsessive compulsiveness always got in the way. my parents were frustrated with me...i dont think they understood what was going on, even though my boyfriend told them i was starving myself. i got down to about 96 pounds...i just remember so much pain during that time. i was in a competition with the scale. i didnt even think about how skinny i was. i got a lot of comments during that time. guys told me i needed to gain weight, but girls told me how skinny i was and that i had "the perfect body," which is very scary. then i went on christmas break, and the stress was gone...so i started eating again. eventually i got up to about 117 (high for me), and recently i got down to 100, but i gained back some cause i overate all spring break. im not weak like i used to be, but i still count every calorie i eat. i will overeat one day, freak out, and then not eat the next to make up for it. i know i still have anorexic thoughts and tendencies, and im scared some of them will never go away. but now i realize that i am beautiful, and im not going to abuse my body like that again. im so jealous of my friends who just eat when they're hungry and dont worry about food...thats all i ever think about! i just want to be completely happy and healthy and not abuse myself like i have been. i think that overcoming an eating disorder and living a healthy lifestyle is just developing an appreciation for life and realizing that you and everything else is beautiful, and food is far from the most important thing in life. i believe that you are not what you eat, but what you do. so...from now on im gonna listen to my body: eat when im hungry, stop when im full, and only put pure foods into my body that it can actually use. no more binging on sugar! and im gonna challenge myself to not count calories the rest of the week. for me, its not as much about losing weight as it is just not being such a perfectionist, and being healthy and enjoying life while i have it! i feel stupid to think that i have spent so much time worrying about food that i have watched like a year and a half of my life pass by!
wow...ive never told anybody all of this!
i have three pictures attached: the first one is of me and my boyfriend during my anorexic days, and the next two are of me a few weeks ago in the Miss Tullahoma pageant.
(Sorry it's so long!):age:17
height:5'3.5
cw:??? probably about 108
two summers ago i became anorexic...it started cause i thought 112 was fat and i wanted to weigh 105. i didnt think i could get there, but when i did i was like,"wow, that was easy...i can lose more." then that school year, it spun out of control when i was enrolled in a rigorous geometry honors class which brought a lot of stress, and i became seriously depressed. i remember eating popcorn for lunch at school cause it had the least calories (70) and going to the gym everyday and making sure i burned off all the calories i had eaten, which was usually only about 200-300. cheerleading practice was the hardest...it took so much energy to lift girls that weighed more than me (and scary to think i was under them and they were relying on my frail body to catch them!). i became so sick and weak that i could barely keep my eyes open in pictures! i remember crying to my boyfriend every weekend (im so sorry for putting him through that!) about how i just wanted to have fun and be happy, but i couldn't cause my ed and obsessive compulsiveness always got in the way. my parents were frustrated with me...i dont think they understood what was going on, even though my boyfriend told them i was starving myself. i got down to about 96 pounds...i just remember so much pain during that time. i was in a competition with the scale. i didnt even think about how skinny i was. i got a lot of comments during that time. guys told me i needed to gain weight, but girls told me how skinny i was and that i had "the perfect body," which is very scary. then i went on christmas break, and the stress was gone...so i started eating again. eventually i got up to about 117 (high for me), and recently i got down to 100, but i gained back some cause i overate all spring break. im not weak like i used to be, but i still count every calorie i eat. i will overeat one day, freak out, and then not eat the next to make up for it. i know i still have anorexic thoughts and tendencies, and im scared some of them will never go away. but now i realize that i am beautiful, and im not going to abuse my body like that again. im so jealous of my friends who just eat when they're hungry and dont worry about food...thats all i ever think about! i just want to be completely happy and healthy and not abuse myself like i have been. i think that overcoming an eating disorder and living a healthy lifestyle is just developing an appreciation for life and realizing that you and everything else is beautiful, and food is far from the most important thing in life. i believe that you are not what you eat, but what you do. so...from now on im gonna listen to my body: eat when im hungry, stop when im full, and only put pure foods into my body that it can actually use. no more binging on sugar! and im gonna challenge myself to not count calories the rest of the week. for me, its not as much about losing weight as it is just not being such a perfectionist, and being healthy and enjoying life while i have it! i feel stupid to think that i have spent so much time worrying about food that i have watched like a year and a half of my life pass by!
wow...ive never told anybody all of this!
i have three pictures attached: the first one is of me and my boyfriend during my anorexic days, and the next two are of me a few weeks ago in the Miss Tullahoma pageant.
