Half way and losing motivation :(

[Bibs]

Hi all,
Like so many other people, my weight loss journey began when I saw "the photo". When did I lose control and let things slip so far away?
This was October 2015.
I couldn't believe the size I had got to. We can lie to ourselves, but the camera doesn't lie, as they say.
I got the scales out from behind the bedside table and blew the dust off them. I put them on a flat surface and stepped on. The digital numbers flashed " 115.2 kg "
For my American friends, that's 253.9 pounds.
It had really snuck up on me. I knew I was getting bigger, because my clothes were getting tighter and tighter, and now I hated clothes shopping in town, so I started to buy all my clothes online.
I couldn't stand to see the size numbers on the tags, so I cut them off. I preferred shoe shopping, bag shopping, makeup shopping, anything shopping but clothes.
And I was not happy.
I had booked a holiday to the coast for 8 days.
I cancelled it, got a refund and bought a treadmill.
I stepped on at 4km/hr for 20 minutes and it puffed me right out.
But I stayed at it, and over the next weeks and months when I felt that it started to become easier, I increased the speed. Then I discovered incline! Today I do one hour at a speed of 5 km/her and an incline of 5. The other day I did the last 30 minutes at an incline of six.
I set my alarm for 0450 am and I am usually walking by 0500, and in the shower by 0600, cause I have to be at work by 0700. It. Is. Hard.
I have thrown sugar (the white devil) out of my life. I don't buy bread or pasta (but I eat it when I'm out) and I'm trying to drink more water - why is that so hard?
Portion control and snacking were hard lessons to learn. So I make healthy meals and freeze them in small containers. I got everything unhealthy out of my house.
For about 6 months I have been doing this, and I felt my clothes becoming looser and looser. I got back into some jeans that I hadn't been able to wear for a while.
But it took four months of this hard work before anyone at work said, "Hey! Have you lost some weight?" At that time, when people started noticing, I had lost 15 kg (33 pounds)
I'm back in double digits for the first time in years - currently 99.2 kg.
I don't like to say I'm on a diet, so I say that I am making "healthy life choices" hahaha
And I don't like to demonise food, or demonise myself by saying "I'm being bad today" or "I'm trying to be good". I've tried to stop looking at food as "bad food" and "good food", instead looking at food as either high or low in calories, making it "sometimes food" or "always food".
There is food that I should always be eating, and food that I should only sometimes be eating.
But lately.. things have been slipping. I miss a day or two on the treadmill. I have a choc top at the movies. I eat all those chips that I shouldn't eat. My sometimes food is slipping back into the always category.
My motivation is gurgling down the drain.
I have another 15 kg to go. My goal is 85 kg.

I just wonder what you all do when you feel that motivation slipping away? How do you stay strong and keep your eyes on the prize? All I want to do is eat chips and lie on the couch watching Season 3 of House of Cards. I hope you have some tips for me on staying strong and moving forward.

 

[Jenna2012]

Bibs,

Hi! For what it's worth, I joined this group specifically so I could respond to your post. You are a rockstar and an inspiration to motivate yourself and pass up a vacation for a treadmill. Seriously.

You should use that memory of a time that confirms your iron will to motivate you when you are being tempted (to skip the run, to eat the sweets, etc.). I'm going through a similar time, except I've gotten no weight loss (though the scale did change, it got confused and went up!). Today, I woke up with a slightly sore throat and wanted to use that as an excuse to skip the whole workout. Then I remembered a time when I decided to push through and remembered how great I felt afterwards. It's a small boost, but it can help. If my little memory of a workout can help me get off my lazy bum, imagine what that kind of CBT can do foe you, given your extraordinary sacrifices and substantial achievemets to date (33lbs!!! Geesh).

I hope this helps, let me know if you want a cheerleader!!

 

[Bibs]

Hi Jenna,

You don't know what reading your message meant to me. I was lying on my lounge room floor (watching House of Cards) when I checked my emails and saw your message. Tears prickled the back of my eyes, because what you said is true. I DO have to use that memory of what motivated me in the beginning. And I DO have to use the memory of the feeling of how good it feels to complete my workout. That feeling of accomplishment follows you all day long and helps you to stay strong.
I have hung up the black and white striped dress (goal dress) on the curtain rail next to my treadmill
I think that the difficulty of keeping at something (damn hard) is almost as hard as starting something (also damn hard). Perhaps it's even more difficult, because you know that plain hard work is required.
BUT, I ALSO know what the rewards are, feeling good, looking good, accomplishing something.
Thanks for being a cheerleader, Jenna. It really was helpful.
... I may add some weight training to spice things up a little That will be the Super Light Weights for Ultra Beginners, hahaha
Thanks again

Bibs
xx

 

[Jake GB]

Damn that Netflix! Haha I would always just rather sit in my big overstuffed chair and go into a Netflix coma than get off my ass and work out too. Probably how I got where I am. I understand the pull of that.

 

[Jenna2012]

Bibs,

I'm so glad the post helped a bit (though again, you are a willpower machine, this is all you!). And yes, the dress will definitely motivate a bit too Unfortunately, I tend to hide my pretty dresses in the back of the closet until there is no way I'm fitting into them! First thing I do: take my favorite out and put it next to my stepper machine!

And yes, the pull of netflix/bed/couch is strong. But I think we are stronger (looking at you, too, Jake!).