General exercise humour and stupidity

C

CrazyOldMan

2
OK most of us here will be gym rats of fitness freaks who love what we do and receive a good measure of admiration and ridicule for what we do and how we look.
If there is anyone here who hasn't ever done anything worthy of ridicule while training, either you are very new, some kind of un-natural freak or totally unaware of the world around you.
My hope is that at least some of you are willing to share some of your more embarrassing moments or at least those of others you have seen.
Please remember sometimes our role in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Exercise is both physical and mental, however during mental preparation it is important not to forget your basic surroundings. I have been known, though only once, to be sat on a bench psyching for a set without focusing on the more mundane matter of staying sat upright. The result was me literally falling sideways off the bench and only really noticing when I hit the floor. Others in the gym were extremely supportive, once they stopped laughing as you can imagine.

One activity doesn't always help another. I am one of these lunatics so used to cycling and their bike that I can usually stop at lights and balance with my feet on both pedals, something I do often. I also used to do ballet, an activity where your feet are most often facing outward forcing you to redress your balance. cycling home from a ballet class I stopped at a set of lights, feeling comfortable and balanced, but not being so. No wobble, or similar, simply fell straight onto the floor.

Not everything funny is a fail. I have been doing various power training for a while and was setting up for a 1RM deadlift. Nearby were two lads marginally larger build than me in their early twenties who gave a short laugh. When I looked over one of them said 'Nothing personal just waiting to see you try and lift that.' My thought was cheeky so and sos.
Having watched me complete the lift with obvious effort but no stalls or sign of failure, the smile changed to a look of shock. My response 'Never underestimate balding old men.'

Honesty can be brilliant. I have good core and co-ordination and unhealthy insanity. This combination has led me to do some un-necessary exercises standing on the wrongs side of a bosu ball. Some have commented on this complimenting me but I got one far more honest conversation between sets of push press on one.
'What happens when you fall off?'
'Don't know. Never happened.'
'But you have to fall off. Why else do you think we watch you?'

There are the classics regular things for workmates etc. to laugh at like seeing me walking like I have been given an enema with a traffic cone the day after a good squat workout.
The insane way that many of us will consider it great that we can hardly move the day after training.
Our facial expressions when we are at our limits, or desire to row miles and get nowhere can be equally as funny to most.

One classic iron gym I used to train at was great for a laugh and more honest than the average health club regarding 'training supplementation'. In fact I was often used as a selling point for the less legal methods by declaring me as a natural who had been training for several years then showing someone less so who was twice my build after less than one.
One of the guys I knew there came over and gave me a shove on the shoulder declaring 'I'm a natural, just like you.' Knowing the 6' 3" 24 stone+ trainer and his sense of humour I smiled and waited for the punch line. 'Everything I have ever injected has come from totally natural sources.'

My wife gave me one of the funnier instances in the gym. Naturally designed for power, she is easily underestimated. I was training with her on a squat day and set her up for an anticipated set of 2-3 reps. Behind us is a gentleman on a treadmill quite convince the silly little girl has the wrong bar and was waiting to see what happened when she realised. In she went, first rep done and she had to put it back on the rack, nothing to do with weight or effort. The guy behind us had been so shocked at her doing the squat he'd stopped running, then been propelled off the back of the machine.

Well let's see if you lot can laugh at yourselves or at least at me. I have been training a long time and have learned that stupidity is not something we grow out of but hone to perfection over time.
 
CrazyOldMan said:
I am one of these lunatics so used to cycling and their bike that I can usually stop at lights and balance with my feet on both pedals, something I do often. I also used to do ballet, an activity where your feet are most often facing outward forcing you to redress your balance. cycling home from a ballet class I stopped at a set of lights, feeling comfortable and balanced, but not being so. No wobble, or similar, simply fell straight onto the floor.
Click to expand...

It’s called a track stand.

I have no stories because I am perfect in every way. I am 6”2”, 180 lbs, and am casually dating 6 supermodels. My personal butler is writing this post for me as I dictate and my maid (who by the way is a supermodel) is drawing my bath while my valet parks the Ferrari I just got out of. I can go on but I’ve grown tired.

BTW, I love the Internets!
 
I got told today that the way I was rowing looked "full retard," because I was leaning back about 45 degrees while doing it. I don't see what's retarded about that, but if someone else found it funny, that's cool I guess. Last Wednesday I was fiddling around with hanging ab movements, and received what I feel was far more warranted criticism, that I looked like I was "having a #@$%ing seizure!!"

Back in the day, I got convinced (after reading an AskMen fitness article) that I should be doing static holds with 300% of my 1RM just below lockout. It's a good thing I was so weak back then -- I can see how things could have gone badly if I were actually able to move any measurable amount of weight. Some guys I went to school with also went to the same gym as me after school, and I remember them watching me loading up the leg press with pretty much all the plates in the gym, and then seeing me just holding the weight there, and rightly laughing to each other over my not actually moving the weight.

Back when I had a girlfriend, I took her to the gym once, and got the great idea that I should show off with a dumbbell snatch. This idea would have been less stupid if I had ever done a dumbbell snatch before. Now, with barbell snatches, you want to get the weight right into the hip, as if you're sexing the bar, but because nothing's sticking out of the bar, this usually doesn't end badly. Dumbbells, on the other hand.... Suffice it to say, it's a good thing that as Christians we weren't having sex anyway, because after that, I was in no condition to use my genitals for at least a couple days.
 
I remember being told a few times to lift less for more reps when looking fit to burst on 1RM. Not generally advised with someone like me who trains on raw aggression. I told them to only critisise if they could do it, then meakly apologised a bit later, and thanked them for not flattening me.

Having done a lot of dance you get involved in trust work quite a lot, including having arms out to catch people dropping from a lift. This involves having to put any remotely sexual thoughts totally out of your mind, as I pointed out to a friend who watched the women in my class thinking he would love to get his hands on them. I reminded him that the genitals that could end up in his hands were as likely to be mine as theirs and his could end up in my hands too, suddenly he realised that erotisism and dance are not always a good match.

Forgetting how big your butt gets doing squats can be fun too. Genetically scrawny git as I am, I used to fit easily into size small. Looking to buy new training gear, I saw some footy shorts, light weight, baggy, size large, thought ideal. First session, second set, blood had swollen my glutes nicely and there was an unmistakable feeling of cloth giving way behind me. Worst part, I had 3 sets to do so had to walk to the bar with a rip the full length of my butt already showing. Now use 3XL size, yes they are too big, no I don't care.

My wife can tolerate being in the gym with me, most couldn't. I only allowed one other before, and that was a mistake. If you are more pose than push, no big deal, I get very irate at myself when training and snapped at her when she disturbed me psyching up, her response was a punch in my back and to storm out. Lesson learned, other girlfriends were allowed in the gym but not near me when training.

Prejudice can be hilarious. Years ago I was a manual worker, not soft office boy like now. Groundwork and demolition were my usual forte. We had to attend site to finish last of demolition on a Saturday as building crew arrived on Monday. Finished by 11:00 and discussion came up of what we would be doing for the rest of the day, most were going to the pub etc. my declaration that it was early enough to get to ballet class prompted one of the others to ask 'Ballet, what you gay or something?'
Obvious response, 'Give us a kiss and I will tell you.'
There is little funnier than watching someone try to get his back to the wall in a place where you have just finished removing all of the walls.
 
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