Friends / Keeping In Touch - Where Do You Draw The Line?...

[ChefChiTown]

I know that I can't be the only one who has had friends like this, so I thought I'd bring it up...

How many people here have friends that just refuse to make an effort to keep in touch with them? You know, friends that never answer their phone, never return calls, never respond to text messages or e-mails and don't bother putting in the effort to pick up their phone and call you? The kind of friends that might call you only once every 3 or 4 months? The kind of friends that only call when they need something from you?

I'm asking because...

A) I've been recently somewhat guilty of this myself and I feel pretty terrible about it.

B) I lost one of my best friends because of those exact actions. FYI - She was the one who was doing it, not me.

So, do you put up with friends like that? Do you only put up with it for so long and then confront them about it (as I did when I lost one of my best friends)? Or, do you even bother considering those people friends in the first place?

In case you are wondering - I'm somewhat guilty of this myself because I moved away from Chicago about 4 months ago and I haven't called one of my good friends since I moved here to Cleveland. I've talked to him via e-mail, because I don't have a cell phone anymore, but I still I feel like such a scumbag for not calling.

 

[CelticWolf]

If they are only there for themselves, and dont look out for you... then you do you need them?

 

[San2]

I am guilty of doing it myself. More often than not, I just don't have anything to say, so I don't email or get on MSN or something like that. I don't have friends around here that would call me on the phone, or want to go anywhere, so that isn't an issue, but I have been guilty of that as well.

If somebody does it with me, I put up with it for a while, but won't make any effort to contact them after a while - if they are still interested, they know how to get in touch with me. If they don't - their loss, not mine.

On the other hand, I would never hold it against anybody if they decided to 'ditch' me after doing anything like that. I probably deserve it.

 

[KaraCooks]

Hm. Tough question for me. I've been on both ends of it ... sometimes friendships drift away and although I have felt guilty about it, I know I've done my share of being the one to "fade out".

OTOH, if there is someone who TRULY never makes an effort with me, never calls me back, never is there when I need them ... and then pops up when they need something ... I'll take it a couple of times and after that I stop being available to them.

Over the last several years I've made some major changes in my life and I've learned a LOT about friendship. I've made a lot of changes in how I view friends and who I consider a friend. A lot. And quite frankly, I'm no longer willing to allow myself to be used or manipulated. By the same token, I hope it's made me a better friend to my friends ... I certainly take more care with my friendships now.

 

[Guest]

Depending on how important the friend is to you, and whether you've grown in different directions. To me I feel there are just many variables to consider.

I have been too ill in the past to do anything about making contact, I have lost out on friends & making new ones. They were obviously not very important people in my life. If they were you can always hunt them down, and let them know how you feel. I did that with an ex best gf after about 7-8 years (basically I wanted to apologize for some things that went on in the past, that lay heavy in my heart)

Or if someone is seemingly around and yet never tries to be in contact with you, or respond, I have let them get away with it a few times, you know, maybe they're busy, or down, or ill. We all have our days.

After it's reached my limit, than I do however bring it up to them, but in a non critical manor. Have an open discussion, maybe a conclusion can be determined. & maybe not. If it seems if they're ignoring me still, I make the decision to let them go. I let them know.

If you feel awful about maybe letting them down as a friend, you could let them know that they've been a really great friend, but you're going through some things at the moment, and that you may not be around until you get stuff worked out. That you care about them and want to keep an on-going relationship.

SKYPE is your new best friend...No? It's free to download, Free Calls and there you have it!! ​

 

[MAR1984]

idk... I found that i'm not the type of person to make BFFs with anyone. Well, there is my wife who is of course my best friend. Aside from that, I'm the type of person who gets along with everyone, has fun when the opportunity is there, and then I guess I'm easily forgetable.

Don't think I'm upset or anything by that. What i mean is, like all my friends from highschool... I don't really make an attempt to keep in touch with them, but they don't try to keep in touch with me either. I get birthday msgs and stuff on facebook, and sometimes I get those from people I never really considered a friend before, just someone I knew/went to school with. From college, I don't keep in contact with anyone from my fraternity, nor do they keep in contact with me. Every once in a while my 'Big' will send me a text msg wanting to go to a tribe game, or saying he'd call me on the weekend to catch up, and then nothing for anothr 4 months or so. TBH, I never really try to get ahold of him either. My wife has more girl friends that she keeps in contact with, and I suppose I'm friends with them by association, so I regularly hange out with them in a group setting, but thats not of my doing. I have some friends at work, but none I hang out with outside of work, except for the work golf league. There's one friend I keep in contact with because he's on my bowling team. Actually, we didn't bowl together last year and probably would have lost contact if it weren't for my wife and his fiance becoming friends and keeping in somewhat regular contact (talking on the phone once a month or so).

Actually, I did get a text msg from one of my good high school friends a couple months ago wondering if anyone was going to be back home to hang out cuz he missed us, but unfortunately I missed him by a couple days.

So I guess I'm just not the type of person people would keep in touch with, but I guess thats alright because I'm not really a keep in touch type of person.