For those who have kids

[sparrow]

I think if we worried about all the "What if's" in the world we'd never even get out of bed!...but "what if we die in our sleep..." Its pointless to worry about things we have no control over. Eventually you just have to come to a point where you decide "do I, or don't I have enough faith to make a decision and be okay with that". Its amazing, I mean utterly astounding that so many healthy humans are born into the world each day. Study reproduction and the forming of a child and you'll just never think the same. SOOOO many things CAN go wrong, but often none of them do. Each system in the human body is so detailed, so precise, so perfect.

My 3rd child was very sick as an infant. I was on partial bed rest for half the pregnancy, given shots to stop contractions and she was born 5 weeks early. when I delivered her there was no crying for a good 30 seconds. I didn't dare open my eyes. I was sure she was dead. I actually remember saying over and over "is she dead?". But she was fine. A little on the smaller size but perfectly formed and complete. She had a major illness when she was 3 months old that we had to go to UCSF for and I thought "okay THIS is the end" but it wasn't and she is a healthy happy thriving 4 yr old today with no issues.

I guess all that is to say that I don't think you should base your decision on fear. I can get really worked up and paranoid about all of my kids all the time. I constantly worry about them getting hurt, sick or dying. So much can go wrong at any moment! I hate giving up the control, but sometimes for sanity's sake you must.

I know not everyone shares the same faith as I do but I have to add, because its so paramount in my life, that my trust in God is huge. when I get to those places of anxiety over things I can't control I just have to give it up and be in complete trust and surrender knowing God knows best. EVEN when things go wrong, though we may not understand it this side of Heaven, there is a reason and God always uses it for good.

I'm not sure I helped at all!

 

[NBS 4life]

I personally think that no matter what and how much it hurts you to see a child, your own flesh and blood sick, it is still worth it all to see the times where they are happy and healthy and for me they dar outweigh the cons of the child being sick.

Every breath is a blessing and every moment is also. Even if the child is possibly sick or disabled in some way it is impossible not to love them and get the rewards of loving from that.

It is and would be hard and possibly very trying but sometimes its a matter of throwing caution to the wind and just doing it. I think that from a healthy mother the chances of an ill baby are reduced dratically.

I say go for it!

 

[BasketLady]

While I was a HORRIBLE pregnant person, I had two healthy, beautiful children. I think you just need to weigh the rewards of being a Mom against the possibilty of them being sick.

I believe it was you that said in another post (and if it wasn't I apologize)....."everything happens for a reason". I too believe this, and while we might not know the reasoning while something is happening, some day we figure it out.

If you want to have multiple children (and give your daughter a sibling), I definitely say "go for it"! If we all spent our lives playing the "what if" game, we would definitely miss out on a lot.

Good luck to you!

 

[sparrow]

I think its the whole having to wait 9 months to see what comes out that gets me.

This reminded me of a few crazy dreams I had, that we (prego ladies) all get. The ones where you birth grown children that already talk, or animals. hahahha. I once had a dream that I had a drawer in my stomach and I could open it any time I wanted to see my baby as it was developing. It was always curled up like a kitten and I'd put food in there for it. LOL

 

[Wrangell]

I never really thought about it when I was trying to have my first, and then when I was in labor I thought to myself " I have to be prepared, that if something is wrong, or something happens, I have to be able to survive it. I have to know that is a possiblity" and I held that until I knew she was here and mine and safe and good. And I love this kid like something I never knew was possible, and I am so thankful and happy every single day that she's here and safe and healthy.

But sometimes I just get so worked up. Studying the medical field is something that no one with my personality should ever go into lol. I don't really worry too much about Erika (my daughter), because I know she is fundamentally solid and if something goes wrong, or she gets sick or hurt, that I'll take care of her and we'll get through it.

I think its the whole having to wait 9 months to see what comes out that gets me. Okay, the whole weird diseases crap I'm studying is killing me.

You simply wait those 9 months and go on with whatever life deals you - good or bad. And don't forget, " good or bad " is as much a function of your state of mind / attitude as anything else.

I have 4 great kids ( 13,15,17,18 ) - one of whom was born with ' special needs ' - and each and every one of them has been a blessing.

Worrying about what tomorrow may or not bring to your life has never done or solved anything IMO - except maybe rob you of the ability to focus on and appreciate the blessings you have before you today.

 

[Typhon]

I know where you're coming from Sara, my girlfriend is now about 9 weeks pregnant with what will be our second and we're waiting for the first scan. It's so nerve wracking that you have to try to never think about it.
My girlfriend suffered a mis-carraige last Christmas so the fear is even greater this time; the only way I can deal with it is to try to avoid talking about it too much.

Being a parent makes you more vulnerable then you could ever be without kids but that because it's such a special thing and I wouldn't swap that for the world

 

[deschain]

I know what you mean about the worry, Sara. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I didn't have their cord blood banked (what if, you know?)

Motherhood might as well be named "worryhood" sometimes - it starts at the very thought of conceiving ("what if I can't have a baby?"), and it never ends after that. I used to get so mad at my mom when I was a teen. She would page us (before cell phones) or call where we were at if she heard an ambulance out on the highway and it was around the time we would be coming home. She never could really go to sleep until we were home. Now, it makes perfect sense to me - hell, mine are little so the only place they ever go to spend the night is my parents' house, and I still worry.

To put it bluntly, you're going to be worrying the rest of your life anyway, you might as well have another cute kid or two to look at while you're doing it.

 

[theGOOCH]

When my wife got pregnant with our second I was happy, but part of me thought "damn, now I have to be worried all over again" I know what you mean

 

[MellowGAman]

Well we have three Children, a girl that is 9, a boy that is 8 and another son that is 5.

You can not worry about the "what if" you simply have to deal with it, that is why you have 1 spare tire on your car, not four of them. You can't worry aboutt eh what if, you worry about the What IS.

We normally laugh at the people who just had their first kid and protect the crap out of them.

Kids are resilient they are simply amazing. Sometimes the parents worry way to much and do not let the kids be kids.

True story, We were playing mini-golf and my 8 yr old convinced my Nephew also 8 and my other son 4 at the time to climb to the top of the "cave" on the mini course, which was about 12 feet off the ground and acked like monkeys, so of course they all did it. By the time I got to them, my sister in-law was going nuts because they were up there and could get hurt and they would not listen to her. I looked at the boys and I said, "wow they climbed up there by themselves? That's damn impressive" I then told the boys, "Ok Monkeys get down off the cave let's finish golfing" the climbed down no problem, I got a good laugh, my kids laughed, my wife laughed, my nephew tried to laugh, until the mother yelled at him saying he could have gotten hurt, wait until she tells his father....blah blah blah. Poor kid has no fun he loves it when I am around though, I always cause trouble. :yelrotflmao:

Anyway, You can't worry about it, just enjoy life and having children are a blessing. I loss two brothers, 1 to Cancer, the other was shot by his "friend". Youo never know what life is going to throw at you, just enjoy your time here and the people around you.

If your marriage is solid and strong, have another one, what are you waiting for? the only way I would advise against it, is if your marriage is weak, a kid is not a fix and that is cruel to a kid. But that is another topic.

Best of luck, no more kids for me, I am getting "fixed" on 12/5 WAHOO!

 

[dswithers]

I have 3 daughters, now 23,18,16. My first daughter spent the first month of her life in neonatal intensive care with the doctors telling us she would probably not make it for the first 2 weeks, so I guess she is a miracle. She and her sisters are all healthy and happy now. Those first weeks were very emotional, but I guess it is better to feel something than to never feel anything.

You know, statistically, the infant mortality rate and birth defect rate in developed coutries is very low, so your chances of having a problem are very small. In fact the leading cause of death under age 25 is still accidents, many of which can be prevented by avoiding certain behaviors and/or using proper safety equipment when needed.

 

[Wrangell]

- You can not worry about the "what if" you simply have to deal with it, that is why you have 1 spare tire on your car, not four of them. You can't worry aboutt eh what if, you worry about the What IS.

- Kids are resilient they are simply amazing. Sometimes the parents worry way to much and do not let the kids be kids.

- Anyway, You can't worry about it, just enjoy life and having children are a blessing. ..... Youo never know what life is going to throw at you, just enjoy your time here and the people around you.

Well said MellowGAman....couldn't agree more.