☆♡☆Fitness journey- starting on pg 4☆♡☆

Ihaveacupcake

Ihaveacupcake

Active member
So a little about me. I'm 35, married with 2 kids. I'm a stay at home mom and this is the first year both my kids are in school full time, so I'm alone during the day, but I love it!

2 years ago I had a mental breakdown and psychosis. I saw and heard things that weren't there and it was such a scary time. I tried to commit suicide (2nd attempt, the first was 15 years ago) I admitted myself into a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar and depression. I'm on 2 antipsychotic drugs as well as an antidepressant.

I'm coming here from an anorexic site that focused on fast weight loss and ED behaviors. That didn't work out so well for me since I now want to lose weight slowly and healthily.

My goal is to lose 2 pounds a month. I have issues with binging and really struggle with it. So I'm eating just below maintenance (1800). I try to stay active with 15000-20000 steps a day. I pace in my kitchen to get most of my steps but I find pacing therapeutic.

This diary will be about my daily struggles, trying not to binge and slow weight loss. I want to be 24 pounds lighter by next Christmas. My current weight is 135.2 . I'm going to weigh in once a week (on Friday's).

I want to lose weight slowly bc I want a healthy lifestyle and something where I can keep at it and succeed. Trying to lose 10 pounds in a few short months was not working out.

This is what my diet looks like:

Breakfast- 2 coffees with cream
Lunch- bowl of cereal (my fav food!)
Snack- coffee with cream, nutella bread
Supper- small serving (today it's pizza)
Snack- hot chocolate.

I eat anywhere from 1500-1800 calories so paired with pacing, I should lose without feeling deprived.
 
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Hi, skinnyminny. I am glad that you have left the anorexia site & are trying to be healthy. You seem to be at a very healthy weight now. Are you able to see a nutritionist or dietician who could help with a healthy, well-balanced diet?
 
Cate said:
Hi, skinnyminny. I am glad that you have left the anorexia site & are trying to be healthy. You seem to be at a very healthy weight now. Are you able to see a nutritionist or dietician who could help with a healthy, well-balanced diet?
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Thank u! I'm happy to be here. My weight is normal right now but I'm only 5'3, so I'm still on the higher end of normal. Nah, I don't want to see a nutritionist. I just love eating lol.
 
Just got back from grocery shopping. I love it, cuz with losing weight slowly, I can enjoy treats in moderation.

Also got some yogurt and bananas that I'll start having for breakfast.
 
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I'm struggling mentally right now. I feel like everything is overwhelming. My hubby has been home this week but he goes back to work Tuesday. He is my rock and I feel sad when he's not with me.

I can manage the kids and house alone but sometimes doing so results in anxiety. Does that make sense?

I am very open about my mental health with my hubs and he always has good advice.

I'm also a devout christian and I need to lean on God more to fight this anxiety but also my binging.

I counted calories (even tho I said I wouldn't) for tomorrow and I'll be at 1600. But that eased my anxiety a lot. I think I'll continue to count bc I don't want to accidentally over eat and going from starving myself to actually eating is a big change for me so if counting calories eases some anxiety, I'm all for it.
 
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Been a while since being here. I've been struggling with binging, but am back on track today. My weight is 138 this morning. I know I said I wanted to lose 24 pounds this year but honestly, my happy weight is 130. I wanted to be 115 from the anorexic site and being away from there I've had more energy, been happier and I don't want to starve (hello binging lol).

So my plan is to eat 1500 cals (1700 is my tdee) and debloat from all the binging and lose the last few pounds of true weight then this thread will turn into a maintenance thread.

Plan for today

Breakfast- 2 coffees with cream
Lunch- Bowl of cereal
Snack- 1 coffee with cream, banana and yogurt
Supper- meat loaf, noodles, veggies

Total- 1513

I stopped pacing too. I've been cramping (I had cervical cancer 6 years ago and radiation has left me with cramping easily) and pacing was making it worse. Plus, I want to change my lifestyle and pacing so much doesn't fit in. I still get 10+k steps with my regular routine.

My mental health has been so much better since I've been eating, I'm not depressed or anxious. I just need to stop binging and get back to a healthier weight and gain a healthier relationship with food.
 
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The last few days I've been feeling very tired and out of it. Can binging cause drunkenness? Lol. But honestly, I've needed a nap to make it through the day. I don't know what's wrong.

The only thing I can think of is I haven't been pacing. I've been sitting in the living room with my kids (winter break, 1 week off) and I normally get tired when I sit for too long (making it through church is hard lol but I've always been like this). But I shouldn't be as exhausted and fatigued as I am.
 
Great to hear you're feeding your body and feeling better for it! I definitely get brain fog after a binge (that almost seems to be the goal of it, as the fog suppresses feelings) and I think it may be crashed blood sugar levels that make me feel super tired. So yeah: not sure about drunkenness but binging can sure make me feel hungover.
 
It's great to hear you are nourishing your body. Sometimes you just need to rest & perhaps you don't often get the chance. Getting to your happy & healthy weight slowly sounds like a good plan xo
 
I ended up having 2 oreo cookies making my total just over 1600. My MIL brought over ice cream so I will be having some of that.

But I can try again tomorrow with my 3 meals. That's why I love losing weight healthy, so I can partake in these things.

Oh and I figured out why I was so tired. I fixed it and energy is coming back!
 
So I ended up binging a bit last night. Oh well.

Plan for today:
Breakfast- 2 coffees with cream
Lunch- 80g cereal, 220ml milk
Snack- protein bar
Supper- soup and sandwiches
Total- 1564

My MIL is taking my kids out again today (3rd time this week) and I'll take the dog out for a walk then hopefully have a little nap.

So my latest obsession since I've been sitting around is watching true crime videos. I love them! The amount of sick people out there is astounding! And of course I watch a lot of bikini prep videos. They motivate me to stay within my calories.

Here's hoping for a good day!
 
I ended up having a big bowl of cereal 😭 why can't I get this right? Ok, no protein bar, just coffee till supper.

This binging phase I'm in is kicking my arse. I just don't know what to do other than keeping trying.
 
So I had my protein bar. I'm glad I did, I was hungry.

I really have no idea what I'm doing. All I want to do is eat.

I think for now I'll aim for maintenance. Which will allow me a big bowl of cereal for breakfast. Once I get a hold of eating 3x a day then I can slowly reduce my intake to lose these 8 pounds.
 
I need to have protein with each of my meals or I am hungry between them. Yay to your MIL for taking the kids out 3 times this week :)
 
Dear Lord I'm 137.8.

I had my cereal for lunch, then went to a movie and had a couple handfuls of popcorn. I wish I didn't but what's done is done. I'll have a protein bar in a couple hours. Pizza is for supper tonight. I get thin crust Flatbread and eat half.

I want to be a healthy 130 and when I was having "anorexic brain" I wanted to be 100 pounds. Only needing to lose 8 pounds is much more realistic. I think I'll drop some weight quickly due to water weight.

I'm going to watch bikini prep videos.
 
I'm having a last free day before I get back on track tomorrow.

I had a couple chocolate chip cookies at church for breakfast. Then a big bowl of nesquik cereal. I don't feel well. I haven't had this much sugar in a while. So for Snack later, I was going to have a couple cookies but I'll have a protein bar instead.

I plan to do 4 small meals and a treat a night. This is my new plan

Breakfast- 2 eggs, 1 pc jam or pb toast, glass of milk, 2 coffees with cream
Lunch- 2 yogurts and a banana
Snack- Protein bar, 1 coffee with cream
Supper- Small serving + lots of veggies
Treat- Small pc of dark chocolate

No calorie counting. I believe with this meal plan I'll get to 130. I'm ready to be healthy and slim.
 
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So my hubs is making spicy burritos for supper , mmm yum. I'm excited.

I'm also looking forward to eating healthier. I hope my energy levels go up. But I am prepared to feel crappy from sugar withdrawl for a bit. I hope I don't but if I do, I will get through it. As I like to say "this too shall pass, it might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass". Ha, I love that!
 
So I woke up at 5 cuz I wanted to start pacing again but after 30 mins I just hated it. This past week since the kids have been off school I stopped pacing. Now I just don't like it. When the kids are in school mon-Fri, I easily get 10-12k with my normal routine but I would pace till 20-25k.

Pacing just isn't worth it anymore. I became obsessed with it and now I'd rather hang out with my kids.

I'm excited for the kids to go back to school, get my alone time again. I also get my nails done today. I'm getting cupcake nails.
 
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