Feeling sorry for myself

[islandgirl1]

Hi all. I've always had issues about my weight growing up as a 'voluptuous' girl but at least I was comfortable in my own skin. Fast forward some 12 years after marriage, I'm a 126kg career mother of two beautiful girls. For too long now I've used the excuse of having two children, university study and a booming property management career as the reasons for the weight gain. About a week ago after a huge fight, my husband admitted to admiring other women which I suspect now has been happening for a couple of years, if not longer. All the while I bring home the bacon and was focused on my duties both as a loving mother and faithful wife. After what's happened, I'm now even more depressed about my weight. The downside here being, I want to lose the weight not because I believe it'll do me great good, but to make him pay and regret his actions. I've even thought that when I achieve my weight gain, I'm hoping sooner than later, that I'll start to flirt with other men as well, behaviour I'm very uncomfortable with. Mixed emotions here of depression, frustration, betrayal, revenge and regret. Help please. I'm so confused I don't know where to start.

 

[Omega]

Believe in yourself and your ability to successfully lose weight.

I know that you are busy - but you deserve some time for you - to make your weight loss dreams come true.

I suggest that you buy a pedometer and see how much walking you are doing - and try to walk more... Let the number challenge you... Walking is very good exercise...

Also start trying to make your food plan a bit healthier... It doesnt all have to be done on day 1.

Start a diary and visit other people in their diaries... See what they do and cheer them on. Maybe they will visit your diary and cheer you on too...

See what challenges and clubs are going on. Challenges are often good for keeping people on track and making friends...

Read pinned threads in the different sections - they are full of good information.

 

[eisus123]

I just had to reply to this. You are a hard working mother, and you are beautiful. You are raising your children and doing the best you can. Your husband is admitting to admiring other women, and that is so low. I would lose the weight for you, and your health and children. I am not sure how much you need to lose, but take it one day at a time, one hour or minute at a time. You can do it, but do it for you. If a man only see's beauty from the exterior and not the interior, then he is a dog, an animal. I should not say dog because I love dogs, but you know what I mean. If you are bringing home the bacon, what is he doing? Emotional abuse is terrible, and I hope you guys can either work things out, or go your separate ways. You do not need a man to be putting you down after a hard day of work, and taking care of your children. Put yourself first, and do it for "YOU" everything else will fall in place. Good luck and keep your head held high ))

 

[eisus123]

I forgot to add, when dieting to achieve a weight goal or exercising don't think of it as a destination, and like when you reach it you are done. Think of it as a continuous journey, one you will always be on. No rush, no hurry, no deadline. When you forget about a time limit, things happen naturally. Just try walking a little, riding your bike, or just adding some kind of activity. As far as diet, just cutting out something as simple as soda, or sugar, snacks, an extra helping just cutting something out that you eat everyday will help in the long run. There is no rush. Example, I used to have two cups of coffee every morning. Lots of sugar and creamer. I only have one now each morning, and I have not changed my diet in any other way, and I have lost almost 20 pounds in 3 months! May not sound like much, but I did nothing more than cut out a cup of sugary creamy coffee! ))Good luck and smile because you are beautiful!!!

 

[islandgirl1]

Thank you Omega and eisus123. Your words are encouraging indeed. I haven't spoken to anyone about our marriage issues as 1) nothing remains a secret on a small island once word gets out and 2) I hate to be the subject matter of gossip and pity. We've always been viewed as the 'perfect' couple and to go through what we have this last week is well for me, truly embarrassing and not something I want my family and friends to know about. Most of my close friends have moved on from here and the only 'friends' I have are those at the office. I'm 2IC so I'm not about to share my personal issues with anyone there else they view me in a different light.

I love the suggestions to start small. I've attempted multiple diets and failed miserably and now reflecting on this, it was only because they were too strict! It's weird; it's as if I already knew this but just needed to hear it from someone else. I agree, I need more time to myself but for too long now I've put my girls and husband ahead of my needs. Changing habits will be a challenge and will take some time but, I now recognise, it's time to look after numero uno.

Well done eisus123 on your achievements to date. 20 pounds is plenty and I wish you all the best as you continue on your path.

I'll look through other threads and am sure I'll pick up on great tips/advice as well as hope to meet kindred spirits to share in my journey ahead and support theirs, as they would mine. Thank you kindly for your support, I deeply appreciate the positive words of encouragement. Warm regards.