FattyBoombah
New member
HI guys,
i started this as a journal for myself, but i thought being accountable to others might help me along so decided to post it up here.... enjoy.
My weight loss Diary: The quest to fit back into my Tsubi jeans….
The low point has been and gone. I knew it was time for changes to be made when one day, I dropped an (unwrapped) caramello koala in the bowl of dogs water but still dried it off and ate it. (yes it was goooooood)
Sick of people suspiciously eyeing my growing belly (I swear im going to get a tshirt made saying “not pregnant – just fat”) , my clothes not fitting, and generally feeling sh*t. Something had to be done.
The question is, when your about 30kg overweight, insulin resistant (which is basically one train stop away on the line to Diabetes Central) and lazy how does one lose weight?
Ive ‘been there done that’ in terms of diets. Ive done the cabbage soup diet, atkins diet, the food group diets, low GI diets, the ‘vita wheet’ diet, the no food diet (that’s how I lost 20kg 3 years ago that I have now put back on plus some)!!! After evaluating my alternatives, ive decided the Cohen’s diet is the way to go.
Im sick of checking every room im in, whether it be at a party, in a line at the bank or at a uni lecture to see if im the fattest one there. A confirmation of yes I am puts me in a sh*tty mood for the rest of the day, and seeing that im not, that there’s some poor soul who I perceive as fatter than me and suddenly I have a spring in my step, and a sense of misguided smugness. Coincidently, there has recently been less and less people fitting into the ‘fatter than me’ category.
Im over the feeling of paranoia when I sit on a chair. I strain my ears to listen for any sound of a squeak or strain, certain the chair is going to collapse under my fat ass, and confident at every noise I make that the rest of the room is thinking the same thing.
I want to remember what my collarbone looks like, what its like to suck my tummy in and be able to see ribs, what hip bones feel like when they poke out.
Im bored of tugging self consciously at my clothes and feeling like a blob when im around my svelte size 8 mother and sisters in law. I miss shopping. I yearn to be able to purchase anything I want from any store I want, and not just be limited to Big W and Target, the only stores I can find that fit my expanding size and ass. I want to be able to try on jeans in a ‘normal’ store, and have a hope in hell of them fitting.
I want to feel 25. Not like a fat old housewife who’s “let herself go”. I want to be the most beautiful I can be at my wedding, I want to get my health under control, avoid what I fear might happen, in a few years be told im infertile. And worst of all, knowing its my own fault.
And... on a more superficial level, damn it, I want to fit back into my Tsubi jeans.
Let the games begin.
Its now a done deal. Ive had my blood tests, paid my money and bought digital scales to weigh me and my food. Ive measured my arms, hips, thigh, bust and waist and compiled complicated spreadsheets to fill in.
Ive calculated in the best and worst case scenario how long it will take me to lose 30kg (about 4 months I think).
Ive also tried to avoid the “last supper” mentality. The strict eating regime of the Cohen’s diet, and the sh*t food I eat now means that I will probably suffer withdrawals and cravings, although im tempted to eat as badly as I can this week, I know in the long term its only going to make things worse for me, and add extra weight ill have to lose anyway.
I think im ready to go.
_________________________________________________________________
Deep down im still petrified. What if this diet, like all the ones before it doesnt work? This is partly the reason I wont be telling anyone other than those I live with. To fail is one thing, but to fail spectacularly in front of others is quite another.
The group of friends I often eat with if im questioned I think I will tell that im on a ‘medical diet’ and be vague… I guess they will assume its insulin resistant related.
Why is it so hard to admit to others you are trying to lose weight? Is it the fear of failure? Or is it that your acknowledging, without having to say it that your unhappy with yourself at some level? Is it also the fear that they wont support you? That they’ll say “one chip is ok, cmon you can have a drink” not realizing how hurtful and frustrating their lack of support can be.
Then theres the other type of people… The ones that at even the mere mention of “trying to lose a little bit of weight” that’s all they ever seem to want to discuss with you. After the standard “hi, how are you” you know that inevitably their next question will be “hows the diet going” and you can see the smug pitty in their eyes. And god forbid you should slip up or fall off the wagon in front of them. Most of them are discreet, you only see the arched eyebrow, and questioning look if you have dessert, others less tactful will use the old gem of “should you be eating that”… served with a patronizing leer.
Honestly with that level of support its no wonder ive failed before. Yes, I think a secret Cohen’s mission is the way to go. Hmm, what shall I call it?
Oh well, no rush. I guess I can name my mission later.
_________________________________________________________________
Today I went easter shopping for my family. I hate to say it, but I was out of control. I don’t know if it was almost some sort of sabotage, that knowing I wouldn’t be eating any chocolate this year, I almost wanted them all to ingest as many calories as possible? Or was it that I just wanted them to enjoy all the things I couldn’t? Hmm, the jury is still out on that one.
Ironically, I returned home to find my diet plan has arrived. Its more complicated than I thought it would be, and more open to interpretation too.
God im scared. Not scared of the hard work, or missing out, just scared, what the fk am I going to do if this doesn’t work? How will I explain to my mum I wasted over$700 of her money AND im STILL fat??
I have a lot of reading and understanding to do, then some grocery shopping and that will be it. No more procrastination. I will start Monday 17th March 2008.
I will be one step closer to losing 30kg, getting healthy and being the best me I can ever be.
_________________________________________________________________
i started this as a journal for myself, but i thought being accountable to others might help me along so decided to post it up here.... enjoy.
My weight loss Diary: The quest to fit back into my Tsubi jeans….
The low point has been and gone. I knew it was time for changes to be made when one day, I dropped an (unwrapped) caramello koala in the bowl of dogs water but still dried it off and ate it. (yes it was goooooood)
Sick of people suspiciously eyeing my growing belly (I swear im going to get a tshirt made saying “not pregnant – just fat”) , my clothes not fitting, and generally feeling sh*t. Something had to be done.
The question is, when your about 30kg overweight, insulin resistant (which is basically one train stop away on the line to Diabetes Central) and lazy how does one lose weight?
Ive ‘been there done that’ in terms of diets. Ive done the cabbage soup diet, atkins diet, the food group diets, low GI diets, the ‘vita wheet’ diet, the no food diet (that’s how I lost 20kg 3 years ago that I have now put back on plus some)!!! After evaluating my alternatives, ive decided the Cohen’s diet is the way to go.
Im sick of checking every room im in, whether it be at a party, in a line at the bank or at a uni lecture to see if im the fattest one there. A confirmation of yes I am puts me in a sh*tty mood for the rest of the day, and seeing that im not, that there’s some poor soul who I perceive as fatter than me and suddenly I have a spring in my step, and a sense of misguided smugness. Coincidently, there has recently been less and less people fitting into the ‘fatter than me’ category.
Im over the feeling of paranoia when I sit on a chair. I strain my ears to listen for any sound of a squeak or strain, certain the chair is going to collapse under my fat ass, and confident at every noise I make that the rest of the room is thinking the same thing.
I want to remember what my collarbone looks like, what its like to suck my tummy in and be able to see ribs, what hip bones feel like when they poke out.
Im bored of tugging self consciously at my clothes and feeling like a blob when im around my svelte size 8 mother and sisters in law. I miss shopping. I yearn to be able to purchase anything I want from any store I want, and not just be limited to Big W and Target, the only stores I can find that fit my expanding size and ass. I want to be able to try on jeans in a ‘normal’ store, and have a hope in hell of them fitting.
I want to feel 25. Not like a fat old housewife who’s “let herself go”. I want to be the most beautiful I can be at my wedding, I want to get my health under control, avoid what I fear might happen, in a few years be told im infertile. And worst of all, knowing its my own fault.
And... on a more superficial level, damn it, I want to fit back into my Tsubi jeans.
Let the games begin.
Its now a done deal. Ive had my blood tests, paid my money and bought digital scales to weigh me and my food. Ive measured my arms, hips, thigh, bust and waist and compiled complicated spreadsheets to fill in.
Ive calculated in the best and worst case scenario how long it will take me to lose 30kg (about 4 months I think).
Ive also tried to avoid the “last supper” mentality. The strict eating regime of the Cohen’s diet, and the sh*t food I eat now means that I will probably suffer withdrawals and cravings, although im tempted to eat as badly as I can this week, I know in the long term its only going to make things worse for me, and add extra weight ill have to lose anyway.
I think im ready to go.
_________________________________________________________________
Deep down im still petrified. What if this diet, like all the ones before it doesnt work? This is partly the reason I wont be telling anyone other than those I live with. To fail is one thing, but to fail spectacularly in front of others is quite another.
The group of friends I often eat with if im questioned I think I will tell that im on a ‘medical diet’ and be vague… I guess they will assume its insulin resistant related.
Why is it so hard to admit to others you are trying to lose weight? Is it the fear of failure? Or is it that your acknowledging, without having to say it that your unhappy with yourself at some level? Is it also the fear that they wont support you? That they’ll say “one chip is ok, cmon you can have a drink” not realizing how hurtful and frustrating their lack of support can be.
Then theres the other type of people… The ones that at even the mere mention of “trying to lose a little bit of weight” that’s all they ever seem to want to discuss with you. After the standard “hi, how are you” you know that inevitably their next question will be “hows the diet going” and you can see the smug pitty in their eyes. And god forbid you should slip up or fall off the wagon in front of them. Most of them are discreet, you only see the arched eyebrow, and questioning look if you have dessert, others less tactful will use the old gem of “should you be eating that”… served with a patronizing leer.
Honestly with that level of support its no wonder ive failed before. Yes, I think a secret Cohen’s mission is the way to go. Hmm, what shall I call it?
Oh well, no rush. I guess I can name my mission later.
_________________________________________________________________
Today I went easter shopping for my family. I hate to say it, but I was out of control. I don’t know if it was almost some sort of sabotage, that knowing I wouldn’t be eating any chocolate this year, I almost wanted them all to ingest as many calories as possible? Or was it that I just wanted them to enjoy all the things I couldn’t? Hmm, the jury is still out on that one.
Ironically, I returned home to find my diet plan has arrived. Its more complicated than I thought it would be, and more open to interpretation too.
God im scared. Not scared of the hard work, or missing out, just scared, what the fk am I going to do if this doesn’t work? How will I explain to my mum I wasted over$700 of her money AND im STILL fat??
I have a lot of reading and understanding to do, then some grocery shopping and that will be it. No more procrastination. I will start Monday 17th March 2008.
I will be one step closer to losing 30kg, getting healthy and being the best me I can ever be.
_________________________________________________________________
