Emotions & Your Ability To Control Them...

[ChefChiTown]

On another forum, there is a discussion going on about our emotions and our ability to control them. Some say that we, as humans, are 100% in control of our emotions and that we are 100% in control of the reactions that we have to our emotions. Others say that we, as humans, are 100% powerless to the might of our emotions and 100% powerless to the reactions that we have to our emotions.

So, what do you think?

Are we in control of our emotions? Or, are our emotions in control of us?

Keep in mind, I am talking about emotions; not thoughts or premeditated actions. For example...

If a loved one dies, are we able to control our emotions and keep from getting sad? Can we keep from crying? Can we keep from feeling devastated, as if our world is falling apart?

Or, are we a slave to our emotions, becoming completely unable to control what we are feeling and completely unable to control what those feelings make us do?

 

[San2]

I don't think we're in total control of our emotions, but we are in control of how we deal with them. Using your example, if a loved one dies you can't help but feel sadness, but you can control if you cry or not, and if you allow yourself to be consumed by said sadness or deal with it.

Personally I like to control my emotions as far as possible. I never cried at a funeral for example. I don't cry in front of other people at all. I can stop myself from doing it until I'm on my own, and deal with my emotions then.

I think that there are extreme circumstances in everybody's life that can make it impossible to control yourself though....so it's a really difficult question to answer.

For me, I would say that I am MOSTLY in control of how I deal with my emotions, but I am not in control of what I actually feel. Does that make any sense?

 

[Wild Vulpix]

I think we're sort of in control of our emotions....

Everybody has a different "average" emotion. You know, how you feel regularly, without being effected by the positive and negative things going on in your life. You can train yourself to raise or even lower that line, so you can be generally happier or sadder then you otherwise would have been, BUT this is not something you can just go and do in a single day. It takes, like, "work outs" or practice to help raise or lower that bar.

Then the positive and negative things go up and down from that bar, so your Sadness might be someone else's Default. As for a simple switch that you can flick to make you happy or sad--of course there's no such thing. If you're sad about someone's death, then you're sad. Sure, the right state of mind could help you be less sad, but as soon as you get out of that state of mind, you go back to your natural feelings.

So, though I think someone can control their emotions, overall, I also think it takes work and training, and often needs outside assistance. (Therapy, anger management, yoga, meditation, even self help books for some people.)

 

[baglady2713]

you can't really say anything 100% esp when it comes to the human mind....

you can't change your emotions as such they are instinctual a reflex almost...the only thing we can hope to change is our reaction to them...that takes a little work & an increase of self awareness...but we can all do it...

though whether we want to do it is another thing...i had depression yrs ago & i can still remember the feeling of just wanting to wallow in it...if it wasn't for the fact that i had finn to look after i possibly may have done...my auntie took her own life not long ago b/c of depression so its 'in the family'...but i took meds for a couple of mths & forced myself out of it...never had meds since...if i feel myself feeling a little low i work on turning my neg feelings around...change the thought change the feeling...sounds weird but it does work...literally catch yourself before you let neg thoughts drag you down (this feels very deju vuie so must have already wrote about this on here...)

for eg...if you think to yourself...i'm just a big fat waste of space...
you're not going to feel that good about yourself are you??
in fact you'll feel a bit shit...possibly sad too...& maybe a bit tearful...

but say to yourself...right...i've put on a ton of weight...but y'know what?? i still have value god dammit!! i'm still a good/kind/funny person/father/husband/friend/poster...whatever applies & i'm taking steps to lose the weight & get a fitter/hotter bod...again whatever

i suppose its similar to positive affirmations...

some ppl of course are more emotional than others (i came across the term HSP the other day....highly sensitive person!! & thought thats soooo me!!) or that is they appear more emotional...but is that b/c they really feel emotions more deeply or that they can't/don't control them as much as others may do??? i suspect its a bit of both...

i've only ever seen my sister cry about twice in her adult life...feelings of anger or sadness don't seem to swamp her as they do me...i know i'm known for being very passionate/feisty..a bit of a handful really...if someone pisses me off i have to tell them exactly what i think of them & why...it takes A LOT of self control for me to just let things like that go (thats why i have so many buddhas...hoping their look of serenity will pass on to me & i'll be able to do that middle way thing...not giving in to extremes of emotion - good or bad)

but if i was to say i feel emotion MORE THAN she does/she doesn't hurt like me/feel like me etc that'd be tantamount to my saying i think shes a robot LOL...so i have to acknowledge i just don't/can't (!!??) control my emotions as much as she can naturally...i have to work at it...its about taking responsibility i suppose...for your emotions & of course how they can impact on those around you...movies/music/reading/talking to a friend...yes even posting!! all these things & more (exercise/going for a walk or a holiday) are all things you can consciously make the choice to do to change your mindset.

as for the eg of a relative dying...no we can't control how we will respond emotionally....why would we want to?? think we have to let such feelings out. as for getting over the death of a loved one after the inital shock...it depends how long it takes you to go through the 5 so called stages of grief...i would think this would depend on lots of things incl your relationship to the person who has died but very much on your emotional character too.

i could imagine working through those stages (as awful as it would be) for anyone that i know...except my children...as a mother...as a parent i just know that if i lost either of my children i could never get over it...never reach the stage of acceptance AT ALL...i would be just a mess & would not be thinking about turning my neg thoughts around....as i would want to feel the pain...to feel connected to them/their loss...but even in that i would have control of what i was doing & feeling...in that i would be choosing to wallow...


edit...
sorry had to pick the panties one...
it really was only b/c i didn't think the other choices fitted what i think...not b/c i think you were girls knickers...honest