(HOPE I'M POSTING THIS IN THE RIGHT PLACE)
Hi. I'm Cate. As of today, I have lost 25 pounds and have 40-50 more to go. I know this may sound strange, but I really wanted to share some of my feeling/emotions that have come with gaining and losing weight.
I know I've written this somewhere before, but 3 years ago, I was in great condition. I played sports in high school, worked out regularly and ate well. I am naturally big boned, so a healthy weight for me was about 145-150. I never appreciated my body at that point in my life. I felt as though there was always something that could be done to make it look better. I never really though 'dang i look good'...
I never really appreciate how I looked when I was healthy until I gained nearly 75 pounds. For some reason, it is difficult for me to admit I have gained 75 pounds. I feel ashamed, embarassed, insecure, and disgusted at myself. The idea of losing the weight was so overwhelming to me that I avoided it for a long time. Finally, this summer I went to the beach for my family reunion. Almost nobody in my family is overweight (i was the only one who was at the beach). After many tears and hours of hiding I decided that I was not going to take it anymore. i was going to lose the weight no matter how long it took me.
I started - and little by little I have lost 25 pounds. Thinking that i have to lose 50 more sounds overwhelming, but nonetheless I am proud of myself. I am more confident, but cannot say honestly that I am confident yet. I do notice areas of my life that are improving that may be a result of my new found sort-of confidence if that makes sense. It's just scary. I look at myself in pictures at my heaviest and think OMG that can't be me. Today, i look at myself in the mirror and feel better but not good yet. I am still embarased of the way that I look. I still try to avoid certain people because I don't want them to see me - I am not ready for that yet. I don't want anyone to think I'm fat or look a lot worse than I use to. But that is reality.
I hate that. It is my fault of course that I feel this way. I was the one who gained the weight. I just wish I could feel good in public- and know that it will come. I worry that when I do lose the weight, I won't be able to see myself the way others do- i'll have a distorted view of myself.
I am a strong advocate of therapy, and after reading what I wrote it sounds like I need some. That may be a possibility in the near future.
Thanks for reading this. This was very difficult for me to post, but I feel better now that I have written it.
Hi. I'm Cate. As of today, I have lost 25 pounds and have 40-50 more to go. I know this may sound strange, but I really wanted to share some of my feeling/emotions that have come with gaining and losing weight.
I know I've written this somewhere before, but 3 years ago, I was in great condition. I played sports in high school, worked out regularly and ate well. I am naturally big boned, so a healthy weight for me was about 145-150. I never appreciated my body at that point in my life. I felt as though there was always something that could be done to make it look better. I never really though 'dang i look good'...
I never really appreciate how I looked when I was healthy until I gained nearly 75 pounds. For some reason, it is difficult for me to admit I have gained 75 pounds. I feel ashamed, embarassed, insecure, and disgusted at myself. The idea of losing the weight was so overwhelming to me that I avoided it for a long time. Finally, this summer I went to the beach for my family reunion. Almost nobody in my family is overweight (i was the only one who was at the beach). After many tears and hours of hiding I decided that I was not going to take it anymore. i was going to lose the weight no matter how long it took me.
I started - and little by little I have lost 25 pounds. Thinking that i have to lose 50 more sounds overwhelming, but nonetheless I am proud of myself. I am more confident, but cannot say honestly that I am confident yet. I do notice areas of my life that are improving that may be a result of my new found sort-of confidence if that makes sense. It's just scary. I look at myself in pictures at my heaviest and think OMG that can't be me. Today, i look at myself in the mirror and feel better but not good yet. I am still embarased of the way that I look. I still try to avoid certain people because I don't want them to see me - I am not ready for that yet. I don't want anyone to think I'm fat or look a lot worse than I use to. But that is reality.
I hate that. It is my fault of course that I feel this way. I was the one who gained the weight. I just wish I could feel good in public- and know that it will come. I worry that when I do lose the weight, I won't be able to see myself the way others do- i'll have a distorted view of myself.
I am a strong advocate of therapy, and after reading what I wrote it sounds like I need some. That may be a possibility in the near future.
Thanks for reading this. This was very difficult for me to post, but I feel better now that I have written it.
. I hope you do feel better, you're so much more than just your body fat % right?! You seem like a very sweet and sincere person, and that counts for a lot. Feel good about who you are! And now you've proven you're serious about losing weight and I think you'll get the rest off in no time.