I'm not an expert but I have had good experiences with fat loss in the past. I'm just giving you my answers based on my experiences.
1- milk, i have this with cereal and protein shakes/smoothies. i have the semi skimmed (half fat) milk as ive always believed it to be very healthy. But is the fat content too high? hope not.
** Milk is good for you. I'm assuming semi skimmed is the same as 2% fat in the states? If so, I think that is fine.
2- cereal, (weetabix, shredded wheat, porridge, original cheerios) i eat every morning but also late at night before bed. i have heard you should sleep hungry in order for muscles to repair etc. is cereal ok or should i cut out completely?
** I personally wouldn't eat cereal right before bed. I only have protein (and maybe green vegetables) right before bed.
3- peanut butter - wholenut variety, yay or nay?
** Good but don't eat too much...I always overdo it with the peanut butter!
4- bread - how much is ok? i only have pita bread or wholemeal/granary, pita is quite high in protein so i tend to choose them at lunches.
** I think a couple of pieces of bread are okay as long as they're whole grain
6- how big is a small dinner when eating 6 smaller meals a day? its hard to break the big meal tea time habit. plus i eat a bit later as im at the gym till 8.30 to 9.
** I usually eat a small chicken breast (or some other source of protein) and some green vegetables for dinner (~200 calories)
7 - whats the best way to arrange a diet so as to tone muscle but also burn fat? do i eat more on weight training days and less on fat burning days? should i always have the whey protein after every workout inc. fat burning?
** I eat more on weight training days because I'm hungrier on weight training days. The protein is especially important after weight training workouts but I also have it on my cardio days.
8- if i do cheat occasionally (ie snickers bar, extra bowl cereal, couple of sweets/mints etc) does it write off all the good work done that day? this isnt often but the cravings come and go!
** No, a snickers bar won't write off all that you did the rest of the day! That would be horrible if that were true!!
I think it's best for your sanity to give yourself a little room to cheat. Don't beat yourself up about it. I did that for many years and I ended up bulimic...you don't want to do that!!
I didn't answer all of your questions but I answered as many as I could. Hope it helps a little...
My best advice is to not overanalyze everything. Eat when you're hungry, get enough protein, give yourself room for cheating, drink a lot of water!!
~teresa