Depressed, could use some help.

K

Kevingreen214

New member
Hey guys, I'm asking for some help on this because I'm confused.

For the past two weeks I have been feeling depressed. I will go for almost the whole day then all of a sudden it's like a weight just hits me. Then most of the time I can chase it away by watching a comedy or doing something with the family. I'm not sure why I feel this way and so I want to talk about my past and see what you guys come up with.

Less than 3 years ago, I found my brother and he had committed suicide. Really really hard on us since we were such a close family, two weeks later I convinced this beautiful woman to come to cali (who would turn out to be my wife now :hurray:) She is one of us, no one could have fit better into this family and she was needed for our family to feel happy about something. She became pregnant and a couple of week before she was due to give birth. I had a seizure, doctors found out I had viral meningitis, a lot of things went wrong during this time but she was with me the whole time day/night. I recovered and 3 days later I was back in the hospital and my son was being born. Been smooth sailing since then, 6 months ago I decided I needed a new job and I could pick one up easily. So I quit my job with no other job lined up (WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN), have applied to 100+ jobs and nothing so far. Right now we are living off of my wife's small checks. But we are making it just fine.

I know I have reasons to feel down but I have more reasons to be happy, I'm not sure why I feel this way, whether or not it's because I didn't really have time to grieve for my brother or its because I have no reason to get up and get ready for something. I have no energy to even work out and doesn't even sound like it would help me. I'm thinking of volunteering at a company so I can just be busy but I'm not sure if that's a fix or not.

I have never been really depressed like this have always been a happy guy, now everything seems so fragile.
 
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I think Spinner 1964 has good advice. I work from home and I need to have strict discipline about what I do during work hours. Going for a walk or strength training at specific points in the day usually gets my mood stronger. Start with some strong habits regarding your job search also
 
Sounds like you're having a very hard time. I think if you start small, like taking a walk for just 10-15 minutes throughout the day, it'll do you world of good.

Take it easy....
 
Thank you guys so much for your support and suggestions. I decided to walk around the park for 2 miles to kind of burn up some energy. I was afraid everyone would say "well you need some medications, there is something wrong with you". I will take all your suggestions to heart, thank you again!
 
Kevingreen214 said:
Hey guys, I'm asking for some help on this because I'm confused.

For the past two weeks I have been feeling depressed. I will go for almost the whole day then all of a sudden it's like a weight just hits me. Then most of the time I can chase it away by watching a comedy or doing something with the family. I'm not sure why I feel this way and so I want to talk about my past and see what you guys come up with.

Less than 3 years ago, I found my brother and he had committed suicide. Really really hard on us since we were such a close family, two weeks later I convinced this beautiful woman to come to cali (who would turn out to be my wife now :hurray:) She is one of us, no one could have fit better into this family and she was needed for our family to feel happy about something. She became pregnant and a couple of week before she was due to give birth. I had a seizure, doctors found out I had viral meningitis, a lot of things went wrong during this time but she was with me the whole time day/night. I recovered and 3 days later I was back in the hospital and my son was being born. Been smooth sailing since then, 6 months ago I decided I needed a new job and I could pick one up easily. So I quit my job with no other job lined up (WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN), have applied to 100+ jobs and nothing so far. Right now we are living off of my wife's small checks. But we are making it just fine.

I know I have reasons to feel down but I have more reasons to be happy, I'm not sure why I feel this way, whether or not it's because I didn't really have time to grieve for my brother or its because I have no reason to get up and get ready for something. I have no energy to even work out and doesn't even sound like it would help me. I'm thinking of volunteering at a company so I can just be busy but I'm not sure if that's a fix or not.

I have never been really depressed like this have always been a happy guy, now everything seems so fragile.
Click to expand...

Speaking as someone who has lived through a world full of shit, allow me to say the following...

I tried to kill myself a few years ago. I had absolutely no reason to live. I was brokenhearted, I was depressed, I was lonely, I was useless, I was meaningless, I had nothing going for me, my days were dark and my nights were darker - at least that's how it seemed at the time.

A few years have gone by now and, even though there are still plenty of heartbreaking moments in my life, all in all, everything is ok. There are points in your life where you just get down in the dumps. There's nothing you can do to stop that from happening. Life sucks. No matter how happy we are, life still sucks at times. And, from the sounds of it, this is just one of those times for you.

Even though it seems bleak at the moment, you at least realize that there is plenty to smile about. So, when the clouds hover overhead and make you depressed, burst right through them and see the sunshine that you have; your wife, your son and their happiness.

And, just remember...

As depressed as you may feel with your life, there are people out there who would kill to have what you have. I, for one, am one of those people.

Chin up.
 
Well try the best to get your thoughts away from all the problems at least for allmost all day , try to play any games with your wife so you wont make her feel the same way like you do.

And i hope you find work as soon as possible take care
 
Don't. You may think your life sucks, but think about how it will effect everyone else in your life. And how many things have you actually done in your life that you actually wanted to do? make a list and promise yourself "before I die, I must finish all of these things". Then you'll feel more alive.
 
Listen to Chef and Spinner, and if it interferes with your life as in... you find yourself unable to open your mail, unable to do chores, you shy away from social things etc. then go to your GP and say "hey.. I feel like shit and such and so" and you'll probably be taken through a Q&A session that'll end up giving you a hint at whether you are sad or depressed, not that one is more or less severe than the other it is just two vastly different things.

Internet diagnostics is generally crap so.. yeah... I mean... if you have a clinical depression, as in your brain stuff is all junked up, then there are somewhat efficient ways of dealing with it. The main point would be that having your brain stuff junked up resulting in a depression isn't ever your fault, ever. It is more akin to getting the flu and we can deal with it.

If you are sad, then it is okay, and you will work through it, and the best way of dealing with that is more personal, but it is about finding good parts of life, realizing that life can only go forwards and then sort of finding the right pace for picking yourself up, and having all the help you can picking you up :) Sharing your feelings with someone so that you don't feel like you're alone with it and such.

Also, whatever you are, never start blaming yourself for things, we are who we are, we feel what we feel, we can certainly change who we are, but we can't time travel so.. yeah.. no reason to regret and blame yourself, better to figure out how to move forward.
 
Kevingreen214 said:
Hey guys, I'm asking for some help on this because I'm confused.

For the past two weeks I have been feeling depressed. I will go for almost the whole day then all of a sudden it's like a weight just hits me. Then most of the time I can chase it away by watching a comedy or doing something with the family. I'm not sure why I feel this way and so I want to talk about my past and see what you guys come up with.

Less than 3 years ago, I found my brother and he had committed suicide. Really really hard on us since we were such a close family, two weeks later I convinced this beautiful woman to come to cali (who would turn out to be my wife now :hurray:) She is one of us, no one could have fit better into this family and she was needed for our family to feel happy about something. She became pregnant and a couple of week before she was due to give birth. I had a seizure, doctors found out I had viral meningitis, a lot of things went wrong during this time but she was with me the whole time day/night. I recovered and 3 days later I was back in the hospital and my son was being born. Been smooth sailing since then, 6 months ago I decided I needed a new job and I could pick one up easily. So I quit my job with no other job lined up (WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN), have applied to 100+ jobs and nothing so far. Right now we are living off of my wife's small checks. But we are making it just fine.

I know I have reasons to feel down but I have more reasons to be happy, I'm not sure why I feel this way, whether or not it's because I didn't really have time to grieve for my brother or its because I have no reason to get up and get ready for something. I have no energy to even work out and doesn't even sound like it would help me. I'm thinking of volunteering at a company so I can just be busy but I'm not sure if that's a fix or not.

I have never been really depressed like this have always been a happy guy, now everything seems so fragile.
Click to expand...

I am going to contradict everyone else on here. I'd say stop feeling guilty about having feelings. There is nothing wrong with feeling low, its part of being human. It only becomes a problem when it stops you living your life happily and you are not able to see your way out of it.

Get some help. I mean like professional help. (I don't mean that in a bad way). It sounds like your suffering from grief still and have alot left to process and deal with. Grief takes years to come to terms with and it can quite "happily" sit and lay in wait whilst you get on with your life and at the next down moment, come smashing back into your life and demand all your energy and attention.

In my experience, its best to deal with depression (and grief) as soon as you can, leaving it to fester just means when you do come to deal with it, theres an awful lot of digging until you manage to really get in touch with whats wrong, in the mean time it sits at the back of your mind, tears at your focus and reduces you to a pile of blubbering tears when your bus comes late. It never really goes away, not really. It just waits to react at the least expected moment until you take it by the horns and deal with it properly.

Find a therapist or councellor- find afew, talk to a few, see what works for you. You can have two therapists following the same type of therapy but they can appear very different. Each will have a different personality. Its important to feel you can talk to a therapist or councellor, not trust- trust is earnt not automatically given. If you want to deal with things and are not able to do so by yourself, councelling or therapy can ge a very good option and is well worth a shot.

"Dealing with it" is sometimes harder then pushing it to the back of your mind and blocking it out with being drunk, trying to lose weight or being very very very busy. All the excuses you can find to not deal with it suddenly come right back to you the moment you find a time to talk. So be aware of that and keep a note book or diary with you to take notes to remind yourself when your trying to focus and all you can remeber is how you need to fix that leak in the kitchen sink.... keeping a diary means you also are accountable so have no excuses as well as acting as a reminder.

I hope you don't start to think you have to look around you and "pull yourself together", you could be the richest bloke in the world, if your not happy within yourself, its not worth much at all. You can be surrounded by so many lovely people but if you cannot "connect" to them your actually very lonely. Its the same here for you, you can have a fantastic life but if your writtled with grief, its maybe not such a wonderful life. Yes there are fewer stresses to bear but it doesn't take away from the hell you experience within yourself. Its up to you if you want help or not, but I don't think trying to count your blessings will heal anything or stop you feeling the way you do, on the surface you can act like your fine but you will have a daily toil of trying to build up a momentum and keep yourself going. You will need to keep yourself busy and in control and you will need extreme focus to deter from the nightmares (if you do sleep/are able to wind down).

If your mind wants you to deal with something, its normally a good idea to deal with it and not try to block it out by telling yourself to "pull yourself together and be grateful for what you have".
 
I completely agree with Summer. I had been diagnosed with depression a few years back and it is serious stuff. I suggest seeing someone professional also.

What I have learned from this though (through the help of professionals) is that when I get depressed, it is a large signal to me that something very important to me is getting compromised. In the case of being overweight, I knew that I was capable of being a handsome, trim man, but when I did not do anything about it, I just got depressed.

At times though, it is too much to handle on your own.
 
Thank you all! I can't stress how much all of you have helped me. One day outside with my son I realized what my problem was. Although I'm only 24 years old (one day from 25 =) ) I was going through a mid life crisis. I was a volunteer firefighter for a couple of years and with my brother, I just realized how short life is (death is everywhere)! Instead of going wow enjoy that cheesy smile from my son and enjoying the small things in life. I was thinking that in the big image nothing of these matter. Which is completely wrong! how often have I seen a kid smile and play with their parents and that had made my day! I guess it's kind of hard to explain but, its the little moments in my life that I can look back and laugh and share.
 
Thinking gets inverted when you are feeling depressed. Notice how I did not say when "you are depressed" or when you "have depression." Because it is your thoughts and the persistent thoughts (aka beliefs) that are actually creating much of what you are talking about.

The external stimuli of cheesy smiles are there, but you are witnessing your thoughts meeting your body in feelings of depression

Hang in there.
 
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