Let me tell you a little story about addiction. Addiction is a drug that comes in many, many forms. It does not have to be a pill you swallow, a needle you inject, or a powder you stick up your nose. It can be as simple as a beautiful face.
At the tender age of 20 I went to a concert with one of my friends, and she brought along 2 of her friends. I looked to my right and saw this little girl with dark hair, she was kinda cute, and I was kinda shy. I didn't end up saying anything to her accept maybe throwing a smile her way. A couple of days later, I messaged her online, and we would stay up all night talking until 3 and 4am. I took a chance and asked her out, a few months passed, and we ended up dating. A few years then passed and we couldent get enough of each other. I was addicted to her like I was addicted to being alive. At the time, I was also addicted to anabolic steroids. Needless to say it's not healthy for a body, nor is it healthy for a relationship.
We struggled to stay together, she hoped the love was strong enough, while I hoped I would change my ways fast enough. As we soon found out, hoping was nothing more than a good-bye letter.
She called me up and asked me to meet her in a parking lot right outside of my neighborhood. I stepped in her car, looked at the face I had seen over a thousand times, and watched as she faught the tears back. She told me in the sweetest voice, "I can't be with you anymore, I want to see someone else". At that point I tried to step out of the car, but my legs could not hold me. I became inconsolable, my eyes rained with tears, and the only thing I could get out was, " I love you" to me, there was nothing else to say. There simply were not words strong enough, nor any word at all that could explain how I felt. I baraged her with flowers, notes, and calls, anything I could to urge her to reconsider. However, I knew what I was doing, I was pushing her away. The drug I had been living on for 3 years had just been pulled away, and I was going cold turkey.
I had no appetite, no drive, and no smile for four weeks. I couldent see straight, I don't remember much of what even happened during those four weeks of "detox". Every memory I had was going blurry, but the memories of her were oh so clear. Every night I would remember a new one that was long lost in my memory bank, the only time I would smile. Maybe I was young, immature, stupid, gullible... or maybe I was addicted.
I know relationships are supposed to be strong but how strong should the ties between lovers be? So strong that you strangle each other to near death? Or loose enough for wiggle room? This reminds me of that song, "Hold on loosely, but don't let go".
Love for me was a textbook addiction, lack of sleep, supressed appetite, blurry vision, nausea, racing thoughts, strong urge to reverse the circumstance. All of these are signs of a drug abuser going through detox. What do love and addiction have in common then?
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why did I do that? What was I thinking?" If you have, continue to read, this explains why.
Now to break this down scientifically. Girlfiends make us feel absolutly wonderful, this is a sign of increased serotonin. One could say that I was high when I was with her, in a sense. Let this continue for three years and my body has now adopted these chemicls as it's natural state. I can tell you even the bad times were great times, again a sign of a small natural high. Now that my homeostasis is a 'good' feeling one, all my body needs now is the reassurance that the source stays open, as it did, for a good long while. Once the source ended, boom, your body then goes into a state of panic, the setup that it had solidified for itself has just been completely cut off. It's routine of natural order, can no longer work. So, the body is sent into a state of panic, it first wants to do whatever it can to make you feel those feelings again. It will make a sane person absolutely crazy. The thoughts you find racing are your brains attempt at convinving you to get back to the source. However, there is no source anymore, in another desperate attempt, it will drive you to date again relatively quickly, so the natural order of itself does not have to completely realter. The feeling of just being near the person will give you a sense of relief. Why is that? the circumstance is still the same. So, why must an illusionary step forward relieve the constant agony, even just for a little bit? It feels this way, because your brain senses that you are closer to the 'source'
Much like drug addiction, the stages of "love withdrawl' are much like detoxing from a drug. The body adapts an exogeneous medium to basically build it's internal state on. If you are on heroin for 3 years everyday and you suddenly run out ,what do you do? You go crazy, you don't eat or sleep, your goal is to get that drug back, and every thought you once thought that you would not do, you find yourself thinking is a good idea. Remember that when this happens, it is not what you want to happen, it's merely what your body wants to happen. So, when you are about to do something rash, rethink your decision with your concience. Ask yourself, who wants this, me or my body?
Not to compare Ex GF's to drugs or anything, I just wanted to break down why relationships are so crazy and why we get crazy when we leave them.
My personal opinion is that there is much more to love than the mere science behind it. Although, the science behind it can help us make better decisions and understand one another a lot better, also.
At the tender age of 20 I went to a concert with one of my friends, and she brought along 2 of her friends. I looked to my right and saw this little girl with dark hair, she was kinda cute, and I was kinda shy. I didn't end up saying anything to her accept maybe throwing a smile her way. A couple of days later, I messaged her online, and we would stay up all night talking until 3 and 4am. I took a chance and asked her out, a few months passed, and we ended up dating. A few years then passed and we couldent get enough of each other. I was addicted to her like I was addicted to being alive. At the time, I was also addicted to anabolic steroids. Needless to say it's not healthy for a body, nor is it healthy for a relationship.
We struggled to stay together, she hoped the love was strong enough, while I hoped I would change my ways fast enough. As we soon found out, hoping was nothing more than a good-bye letter.
She called me up and asked me to meet her in a parking lot right outside of my neighborhood. I stepped in her car, looked at the face I had seen over a thousand times, and watched as she faught the tears back. She told me in the sweetest voice, "I can't be with you anymore, I want to see someone else". At that point I tried to step out of the car, but my legs could not hold me. I became inconsolable, my eyes rained with tears, and the only thing I could get out was, " I love you" to me, there was nothing else to say. There simply were not words strong enough, nor any word at all that could explain how I felt. I baraged her with flowers, notes, and calls, anything I could to urge her to reconsider. However, I knew what I was doing, I was pushing her away. The drug I had been living on for 3 years had just been pulled away, and I was going cold turkey.
I had no appetite, no drive, and no smile for four weeks. I couldent see straight, I don't remember much of what even happened during those four weeks of "detox". Every memory I had was going blurry, but the memories of her were oh so clear. Every night I would remember a new one that was long lost in my memory bank, the only time I would smile. Maybe I was young, immature, stupid, gullible... or maybe I was addicted.
I know relationships are supposed to be strong but how strong should the ties between lovers be? So strong that you strangle each other to near death? Or loose enough for wiggle room? This reminds me of that song, "Hold on loosely, but don't let go".
Love for me was a textbook addiction, lack of sleep, supressed appetite, blurry vision, nausea, racing thoughts, strong urge to reverse the circumstance. All of these are signs of a drug abuser going through detox. What do love and addiction have in common then?
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why did I do that? What was I thinking?" If you have, continue to read, this explains why.
Now to break this down scientifically. Girlfiends make us feel absolutly wonderful, this is a sign of increased serotonin. One could say that I was high when I was with her, in a sense. Let this continue for three years and my body has now adopted these chemicls as it's natural state. I can tell you even the bad times were great times, again a sign of a small natural high. Now that my homeostasis is a 'good' feeling one, all my body needs now is the reassurance that the source stays open, as it did, for a good long while. Once the source ended, boom, your body then goes into a state of panic, the setup that it had solidified for itself has just been completely cut off. It's routine of natural order, can no longer work. So, the body is sent into a state of panic, it first wants to do whatever it can to make you feel those feelings again. It will make a sane person absolutely crazy. The thoughts you find racing are your brains attempt at convinving you to get back to the source. However, there is no source anymore, in another desperate attempt, it will drive you to date again relatively quickly, so the natural order of itself does not have to completely realter. The feeling of just being near the person will give you a sense of relief. Why is that? the circumstance is still the same. So, why must an illusionary step forward relieve the constant agony, even just for a little bit? It feels this way, because your brain senses that you are closer to the 'source'
Much like drug addiction, the stages of "love withdrawl' are much like detoxing from a drug. The body adapts an exogeneous medium to basically build it's internal state on. If you are on heroin for 3 years everyday and you suddenly run out ,what do you do? You go crazy, you don't eat or sleep, your goal is to get that drug back, and every thought you once thought that you would not do, you find yourself thinking is a good idea. Remember that when this happens, it is not what you want to happen, it's merely what your body wants to happen. So, when you are about to do something rash, rethink your decision with your concience. Ask yourself, who wants this, me or my body?
Not to compare Ex GF's to drugs or anything, I just wanted to break down why relationships are so crazy and why we get crazy when we leave them.
My personal opinion is that there is much more to love than the mere science behind it. Although, the science behind it can help us make better decisions and understand one another a lot better, also.
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