Chubby Chaser

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sandamanduh18

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My husband is a self proclaimed chubby chaser. I am 5'9" and my starting point was 200 pounds. After a week on weight watchers, i lost 3 pounds! I was so excited! I called him on my way home and I got home, greeted by my husband and... a Chocolate Creme Pie! Why is he doing this to me? Im trying to lose weight so I can feel better about myself and be healthier, but all he seems to care about is fattening me up. He even mentioned something about having another baby! WHY?!? We have two already, I was under the impression that we were done having kids. I feel like crying. Ill never lose weight with him around. Im scared he will leave me if I do get skinny though.
 
Ask him outright. Maybe he'll surprise you. And explain to him why you're doing this, get him on your side. Health, self-esteem...it's all very important, and he needs to know this. :)
 
You need to put yourself first, explain to him why you want to lose weight and that it would help you alot if you had his support. A relationship is built on more than looks or weight so he should be fine with it and supportive of your goals.
 
To be perfectly honest, that's just plain out of order and selfish... You're improving your health and self confidence(Possibly even for him?)So just talk it out with him.
 
A talk is definitely in order...

Many guys like bigger women, thats a given. However, some also feel a little threatened because they think their woman is "too beautiful" and therefore gaining weight is a way to make sure you don't get snapped up by other men. I know it sounds silly, but I have known many couples in that position. If he truly loves you he should be supportive of whatever choice you make, especially healthy ones. In fact by becoming fitter and healthier you are providing him and your children with a mom/wife who is going to be around longer. It could well be his own insecurities that are making him discourage your weight loss. But for whatever reason, your health is the most important part. Since you already have 2 children you need to make sure you can be the best and healthiest mom possible as they will want you around as long as possible. Have a good sit down with him and try to find out A: What is the real reason behind him not supporting you (which every good husband SHOULD do anyways) and B: Let him know in no uncertain terms this is what is best for you, your children and ultimately, him.


sirant
 
I feel for you sandamanduh18! My husband is the same way. I tell him I want to lose weight, that I'm really getting depressed because of the way I look and you know what he does? He buys me chocolates thinking it will make me happy!!! Poor guy. He just doesn't have a clue.
Maybe it's true what people say about men, some of them just don't get it. Your husband is being really selfish and maybe he doesn't know it. My husband doesn't know any better than to go out and buy me fattening food to make me happy. I've told him time and time again, but for some reason, he keeps coming home with ice cream!! Try talking to him about what you really need. Instead of assuming he knows what to do, tell him. I've had to sit my husband down a few times and tell him, "when I get depressed about my weight, bringing home junk food is not what I want you to do. I want you to help me lose the weight. Motivate me and keep me focused on my goals. That's what I want you to do."
Some men need women to tell them what to do. Most men have a "Fix It" mentality. If something is wrong, instead of thinking things through and figuring out a solution, they think, fix it and fix it now!
Good luck, I'll be thinking of you the next time my husband comes home with Eclaires... :D
 
Another idea...

I know it isn't cool to have someone bringing you things you dont really want or need, therefore sabatoging your best efforts.

However.....

One thing to keep in mind... Just because he is bringing you chocolate and ice cream, doesn't mean you "have to" eat it now does it? The supermarket is full to the brim of bad, nasty and unhealthy foods, and there is a McD's and KFC on every corner, but ultimately we are the ones who open our mouths and put the bad stuff inside. It can't all be put on the hubbies.... Similarly we cannot blame McDonalds for "forcing us" to eat big macs, or 7-Eleven for insisting we buy chocolate bars.... We open the eating orrifice, not them.

Perhaps the next time he comes home with a tub of icecream or box of chocolates you could take a stand and simply refuse to eat them. Or if a stronger response is required, show him how much it bothers you to have such things around by throwing them in the garbage. Weight loss is definitely harder if you have someone enabling your bad eating habits, but ultimately, unless he is tying you up and force feeding you, YOU have the power to just say no.

My wife still cooks herself and my daughter wonderfully delicious fried meals which I simply love, but they are hell on my waistline. But I would never tell her to stop because I am trying to lose weight, that would simply be unfair. Instead, because losing the weight is so important to me, I stick to my healthier choices even in the face of temptation. Thats why I am finding success this time around like never before.

I know temptation is hard, damn hard. But that is something we ALL have to deal with, non-supportive spouses or not. Temptation will always be at our doorsteps, even when not delivered directly to us. You may not have the power to stop him from buying it, but you DEFINITELY have the power not to eat it. Thats what this whole weight loss game is about after all. Changing our own eating and exercise patterns, not relying on someone else to do it for us. True success comes from making the hard and difficult changes ourselves. Bottom line.

sirant
 
you seriously need to sit dow nand explain to him why you want to lose weight, if he truly loves you then he'll stay with you if your skinny or fat.
 
sirant said:
I know it isn't cool to have someone bringing you things you dont really want or need, therefore sabatoging your best efforts.

However.....

One thing to keep in mind... Just because he is bringing you chocolate and ice cream, doesn't mean you "have to" eat it now does it? The supermarket is full to the brim of bad, nasty and unhealthy foods, and there is a McD's and KFC on every corner, but ultimately we are the ones who open our mouths and put the bad stuff inside. It can't all be put on the hubbies.... Similarly we cannot blame McDonalds for "forcing us" to eat big macs, or 7-Eleven for insisting we buy chocolate bars.... We open the eating orrifice, not them.

Perhaps the next time he comes home with a tub of icecream or box of chocolates you could take a stand and simply refuse to eat them. Or if a stronger response is required, show him how much it bothers you to have such things around by throwing them in the garbage. Weight loss is definitely harder if you have someone enabling your bad eating habits, but ultimately, unless he is tying you up and force feeding you, YOU have the power to just say no.

My wife still cooks herself and my daughter wonderfully delicious fried meals which I simply love, but they are hell on my waistline. But I would never tell her to stop because I am trying to lose weight, that would simply be unfair. Instead, because losing the weight is so important to me, I stick to my healthier choices even in the face of temptation. Thats why I am finding success this time around like never before.

I know temptation is hard, damn hard. But that is something we ALL have to deal with, non-supportive spouses or not. Temptation will always be at our doorsteps, even when not delivered directly to us. You may not have the power to stop him from buying it, but you DEFINITELY have the power not to eat it. Thats what this whole weight loss game is about after all. Changing our own eating and exercise patterns, not relying on someone else to do it for us. True success comes from making the hard and difficult changes ourselves. Bottom line.

sirant
Click to expand...

Well put. This is something I HAD to learn for myself! Not easy, but it can be done.
 
I would just try to explain that it isn't only cosmetic, but for your health. He will get to enjoy more happy years with you if you are healthy. Your children will get more time with you, and your grandchildren as well. If he loves you, explaining it to him from that perspective should be effective. If not, there are much more serious issues at hand.

Also, even if it is cosmetic that is FINE! you should love yourself and think you are great looking. I am overweight and my boyfriend tells me all the time he thinks I'm sexy the way I am. Which is fine, and I believe him, but it isn't just about him. I want to feel sexy myself. I don't rely on others to provide my self esteem for me, I want to look in the mirror and feel healthy and proud and think man I look great! and not just hear it.

Good luck ,love.
 
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