Calling All Step-parents!

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2hott4u

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Is there anyone here who has step children? Do they live with you? How often do u see them? Do you have any biological kids that are younger than the step kids? I'm in this situation and I'm really struggling right now. I have two, one of which lives with us PT. My kids have started swearing. I asked them this morning, where they heard it, and they said their step-brother. I knew it was that way, and I haven't mentioned it. I'm afraid to bring it up to hubby bc I don't want him thinking I am picking on his other son. The boy is 14. He should watch his language around my kids. Even the word "crap" to me is unacceptable for my kids. Esp at the table.

Any people out there with step kids care to offer advice?
 
2hott4u said:
... I asked them this morning, where they heard it, and they said their step-brother. I knew it was that way, and I haven't mentioned it. I'm afraid to bring it up to hubby bc I don't want him thinking I am picking on his other son. The boy is 14...
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With all due respect Wendie I don't think the problem is having a step son in the house, the problem is having a 14 year old as part of your family. It would be the same as if he were your own child.

Kids will pick up the good and the bad from older siblings. You can't shelter your kids from all that is bad outside your home-including swearing. All you can do is try getting them to understand why things are "bad" or "not good".

PERSONALLY I wouldn't have a problem with the word crap, I mean isn't that the alternative to $hit? That's what I'd have a problem with...
 
Moonbeam3 said:
With all due respect Wendie I don't think the problem is having a step son in the house, the problem is having a 14 year old as part of your family. It would be the same as if he were your own child.

Kids will pick up the good and the bad from older siblings. You can't shelter your kids from all that is bad outside your home-including swearing. All you can do is try getting them to understand why things are "bad" or "not good".

PERSONALLY I wouldn't have a problem with the word crap, I mean isn't that the alternative to $hit? That's what I'd have a problem with...
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I completly understand what you are saying. That is a better way of looking at it. I do realize that all 14 yr olds will swear and what not. And I know the little ones will pick up that stuff. And you are right, crap isn't as bad as the alternative. I still don't want my 8, 5, and 3 yr olds saying it.
 
2hott4u said:
I completly understand what you are saying. That is a better way of looking at it. I do realize that all 14 yr olds will swear and what not. And I know the little ones will pick up that stuff. And you are right, crap isn't as bad as the alternative. I still don't want my 8, 5, and 3 yr olds saying it.
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(personally) I think that with kids we should look at the bigger picture. Are they caring, sharing, sympathetic and considerate people or do they do drugs, drink and are they promiscuous? Those would be the things I'd worry about.

But I respect your feelings. Maybe you can just talk to him as an adult to an 'almost adult' and say that you would appreciate if when he's around the kids (maybe) he can watch the way he speaks (like you do)...
 
Moonbeam3 said:
(personally) I think that with kids we should look at the bigger picture. Are they caring, sharing, sympathetic and considerate people or do they do drugs, drink and are they promiscuous? Those would be the things I'd worry about.
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You have a very valid point. As they get older, that will be my main focus. However, I am still trying to shape them into the people they are meant to be. That does include being caring, sharing, sympathetic, etc. Part of that, I think is not swearing - some might find it offensive...I know I do when they are that young.


Moonbeam3 said:
But I respect your feelings. Maybe you can just talk to him as an adult to an 'almost adult' and say that you would appreciate if when he's around the kids (maybe) he can watch the way he speaks (like you do)...
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You are right...part of my issue is that I am not sure where my line is. Where do I draw the line at discipline? I have never scolded him and would feel kind of nasty doing it. And yet, dan doesn't really get tough with him, mostly, I think bc he doesnt' want to. He kind of jokes around with him, when he's trying to tell him somthing, rather than being a "parent". Don't get me wrong, though, he loves his boys with everything in him. He is a wondeful father. I'm very blessed to have him as the father of my children. :)
 
It probably IS hard to know where the line is. I'm sure you are a wonderful step-mom. At that age it's hard whether they're your own or whether they came into your life.

I'm sure if you just point it out to him in a way as derwyddon suggested (as she does with hers) he'll understand.

Good luck!
 
Derwyddon said:
This is the kind of thing we do with Marina, now she's younger so it's a little easier with her... Tell him that his brothers and sister look up to him. That he's important to them and you and his actions say a lot to the little ones. Tell him that he has the ability to be a great influence on their lives and be someone really important to them. It gives him self confidence and self worth, and makes him want to be a better person for the kids.
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Speaking as someone who was the bad step brother, I can say that is probably the best possible advice. Also the harder one pushes a 14 year old boy (especially a stepmother) the harder they push back. just sayin.
 
I have a 17 yr old step-son and my daughter is 5. The 17 gets along with my daughter but she gets on his nerves now and then. I have no gripes with him because he's a really good kid, not to mention he's 11 years younger than me, so we get along like brother and sister more than step-son/step-mom. I treat him as my son, not a step-son. Even his card for Christmas has to my son, not to my step-son.

I guess just talk to your hubby about it and see what he says. It's your house, not his (the step-son). He still has to follow the rules when he's over there. Hubby might need to do little more of the discipline of him because he is his son. Have you talked to his mom about it? Do you get along with his mom?
 
aharris84 said:
Speaking as someone who was the bad step brother, I can say that is probably the best possible advice. Also the harder one pushes a 14 year old boy (especially a stepmother) the harder they push back. just sayin.
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Thanks for your input. I appreciate getting it from someone who's been there. :)
 
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