Bf's cold when I need him the most

[Reee]

Last year I found a lump in my left breast, before having the final results I was scared to death. My bf was sort of my best friend before we were together and I always thought he would be the person who's always there for me when I'm the most vulnerable.
But he acted kind of emotionless during that time, it's almost like he does not know of my condition, everything's normal, he acted exactly like he didn't care to me. I did everything on my own, all the tests, and even the biopsy and hearing the final results. I didn't tell my parents because I know they would freak out and that hurts even more to me.
The good thing is the biopsy came back OK, it's not cancerous.
But, I just don't understand why my bf acted the way he did. And this is not the only time he's like that. Whenever I'm sick, he's like does not care as if nothing's wrong.
It really hurt me and it left a scar.
Any thoughts?

 

[prodigy88]

I don't know him so I can only give what I know from personal experience.

Your BF likely does deeply care and was very concerned. Guys, like me for instance, sometimes have a hard time understanding how to act in situations like this.

For instance, my gf was in a severe car accident and hospitalized for almost three weeks. I visited her very afternoon, talked, held her hand and all I could really do is smile. I had a lot of trouble showing deep compassion like it would be expected if a loved one was almost killed. Deep down inside of me I was dying though, I cried when I was alone and she never left my mind.

I never gave her the kind of compassion during that time that she expected and I regret that. I just couldn't do it though, but I was there and gave her my company which was all I was able to do in my mind. I cared as much as a person who would have cried next to her bed, but I just had trouble expressing feelings.

Your bf could be in the same boat. It could be bravado on his side to seem cold or he might be confused on how to act. We rarely picture our loved ones facing death and it catches us by surprise every time. Some of us cry when it happens while others are not as dramatic. Both, I believe, have the same amount of compassion for their loved ones though.

If you know your bf really likes you, or even loves, then he might very well not be able to express his feelings so well. They are there though. It might help you to talk to him and understand how he reacted to the situation. Even if he might not show the compassion you wish he did, you can at least have peace of mind that it is there.