Beachbabe's Diary

B

beachbabe

0
Day 0
--The night before​

I'm starting this diary today to hold myself accountable. I've started countless of these before. . .but because they were private, it was easy to delete them when I strayed or "start over" and pretend that they never existed. Here, I hope that the possiblity of others reading it will keep me responsible because I'll know that I can't really pretend it doesn't exist.

Tomorrow, I'm starting a "diet" and exercise plan. I put diet in quotes because I hate dieting. . .instead, I want to focus on replacing the foods I like that make me unhealthy with foods I like that are good for me. Tomorrow I go shopping to stock up my fridge with these foods, and tonight, I'm cleaning the kitchen and tossing the crap (ok, taking it in to work. . .other people like it).

I was alternatively athletic as a kid--I was a dancer, and either at a lesson or practice almost every weeknight. I loved dancing because of the way it made my body feel and the way it centered my head. I loved doing something that was as difficult as regular sports but that had to look beautiful while you did it. In college, I tried every pe class they offered--swim aerobics, lifeguarding, aerobics, running. . .and taught ballet. I walked everywhere and felt healthy and confident and beautiful. After college, I stopped dancing, entered a sucky marraige and gained about 75 lbs. I've alternately struggled to get rid of it or given up on getting rid of it ever since.

A year ago, I had spent 6 months to get down to 165, and I loved who I was when I was eating right and exercising. . .but for some reason I let it slip, and now I'm back at 175 or so--I'll know when I weigh in tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow is work as usual, and after work I will go to the gym then to my bf's house. Stumbling blocks tomorrow include eating dinner with the bf--who is skinny of course--, not eating "treats" at work. making lunch for Friday at his house.

THIS MONTH'S GOAL:
get back into the habit of exercising 6 days a week.

THIS WEEK'S GOAL (sun-sun):
exercise Wed, Thurs, and Sat
eat healthily
purge kitchen of greasy foods

TOMORROW'S GOAL
shop for good food
go to the gym
weigh self and post starting weight/body fat %
 
Welcome to the forum and we're here if you need us.
 
I hate the word "diet" too.
I prefer to use "nutrition plan" as it truly is a plan to properly fuel your body.

Good luck!
 
I like the way you have a goal set for each week and day...I should start doing that. Welcome to the forum too btw! We are all here for ya!
 
Day 1--really actually starting something. .

Thank you guys for the positive feedback. This is exactly what I need. :)

THIS MONTH'S GOAL:
get back into the habit of exercising 6 days a week.

THIS WEEK'S GOAL (sun-sun):
exercise Wed, Thurs, and Sat
eat healthily
purge kitchen of greasy foods--DID IT!

TODAY'S GOAL
shop for good food
go to the gym
weigh self and post starting weight/body fat %

FOOD SO FAR
1 serv lean ground turkey
1 egg
1/2 serve brown rice
1/2 serve onion

WHAT'S UP
So, I was awoke to a call from my friend at work asking me to bring in a disk reader. . .which I spent a half hour looking for, and forgot completely to weigh myself as a result. That means weighing in at the gym, or scrapping the weigh in until tomorrow. The gym locker room scale isn't perfectly accurate, and my scale at home is more consistant. . .but I tend to procrastinate, so I think I'll ask one of the trainers to use their electronic scale and then just use that as a monthly weight, and weigh in at home too.

I remembered to eat "breakfast," which I cooked last night using what few ingredients I had that were remotely healthy. Last night I cooked up ground turkey and all the brown rice I had with 1/2 an onion and 2 eggs. It made 5 servings of protien and 2 servings of rice. I put it in containers, and froze 2 and fridged 2 (um, and ate 1). Today I'm buying fresh veggies to add to it and more brown rice. I think it'll be yummy with broccoli and green peppers, and will make a good lunch.

For the first few days, I want to post once when I get to work in the morning and once at night. I think it will help. I'm looking forward to working out tonight, and feeling a little hopeful that I can do this.
 
DAY 1: wrap up

TODAY'S GOAL
shop for good food--Got enough for tomorrow
go to the gym--Did It!!!
weigh self and post starting weight/body fat %--170 on gym scale


EXERCISE
90 minute long slow jog
stretch

FOOD
2 serv lean ground turkey
1 egg
1 serve brown rice
1 serve onion
8oz non fat yogurt
2 onion rings (yum)
2 serv lettuce
1 serv chicken (grilled)
1 serv croutons
1/2 tomato
1/2 serv cucumber
2 widmer 12 oz beers
80 oz water
salad was lightly dipped in dijon ranch dressing

WHAT'S UP
I went for a long slow jog today at the gym. It's been a long day, so it's exactly what I needed to get my head back where it belonged. Anyway, i ran reallllllly slowly. . .more of a hop/shuffle than a run. But, it felt right. . .hurt in my muscles but not my joints, and once I settled into a rhythm (takes about 3 songs) it was like my body remembered exactly what to do. I could feel the extra weight around my hips and belly but it still felt awesome to move. I realized that the worse my day, the better working out felt.

The coolest thing happened, though. . .on my way back through the kinda long figure 8ish thing I do throug the neighborhoods, the real runner came towards me on the other side of the street, veered across and kinda stopped in front of me. I stopped or I'da run into him. . .and was all confused like maybe I was blocking a driveway or something. But he said--"you've been running a LONG time! I saw you when I was driving home, changed, and ran and you're still running. Just looking at you makes me tired! you're doing a good job!"

I was taken hugely aback. . .and could only stutter out something like "thanks. . .that's the encouragement I need!" But it was enough to kinda float me through the last half of my run. I felt more like a real runner than ever. I think of myself shuffling along awkwardly, but someone else saw me jogging or even (gasp) running. cool.

Later, I was talking to my friends/coworkers/workout partners when we went out for dinner, and they were like. . .we need to alternate long Vs. short workouts so we can all still work out together, and the one was like. . .define "long" because what I think is long and what SHE (points at me) thinks is long is totally different. I am not a fast runner, but I love to run as long as I can because once I get past the first 15 minutes of yuck I don't ever want to stop moving. . .and I need to tap into that as I try to lose weight. But, I can't forget that distances are definitely my strength--I need to build on that aspect of my temperment.
 
You did a really good job when you went for your jog/run. Be proud that you went that far and you didn't give up when it hurt.
 
DAY 2--midday

SW: 170
CW: 170
GW: 135

TODAY'S GOAL
Eat relatively healthy
go to the gym and lift

EXERCISE
none yet

I felt great this morning. . .no pain from running at all. . .I am excited to go to the gym today.
 
DAY 3 and 4
Ok, so I don't think I'll be posting on the weekends, but it's for a really good reason. . .I'm too busy NOT being at a computer to post, which means that I'm usually doing something physical outdoors. Sadly, that's not the case with Sat. . .but it kinda is with sunday. Anyway. . .

SW: 170
CW: 170
GW: 130

SATURDAY​
EXERCISE
none I took the day off and went to my birthday party. It was fun.

FOOD
I avoided the cake, and tried to eat healthier, but the food was all heavy german food, so that was hard. It was easy to stay away from the potato dish and the saurkraut, but the pork loin was too tempting as were the jello shots. I did better than at parties in the past and I had fun, but next time I'll need to be more aware of my choices.

FEELINGS
I didn't get drunk, which was good because a friend of mine had too much and another friend and I took care of her. It was harder than you'd think because this guy I'm seeing, who is normally adorable, kept insisting he carry her upstairs. I know what's best for my friend, so I stuck to my guns. . .what's weird is that I think part of being able to do that came from being more sober--which was a result of being careful 'cause I'm watching what I consume--and from the confidence I get from that guy talking to me when I went jogging. Funny, huh?

The friend who helped me take care of her and I spent the night up cleaning house and talking. I wasn't tired then, though it's caught up with me now--on Monday. I'm glad I was awake and I'm glad I was sober because it was good to talk long with him.

SUNDAY​
EXERCISE
formally none, however, I spent the entire day out at the sandbar--which is about a mile into the ocean. . .so I helped load up the boat, and was in the water all day. It wasn't aerobic, but fighting the tide to stay in place for something like 5 hours definately worked my arms. Today I feel tight and my shoulders are sore like I lifted to exhaustion.

FOOD
1 serve steak
1/2 a grilled chicken sandwich
1 onion ring
1 potato with cheese and chives
widmer--3 glasses
2 servings cheez-its

I need to bring fruit/veggies out next time I go on the boat, and be more careful about getting them in at restaurants. Everyone I play with on the boat is a carnivore, and steak is enough for them. I wasn't really hungry 'cause I don't like steak. So I know I ate too little and too much crap.

FEELINGS
I felt tired at the end of the day, but went out with bf and his friends to play darts. You would think I would have been hungry, but I wasn't, and only finished half my sandwich---yea, leftovers!!! It was a good day. I was happy and relaxed. The sandbar was wonderful. I got to spend time with one of my best friends. . .the downside is he may choose to leave the island in Nov, and I know I won't handle that well.

I also got into a conversation with this runner. . .a real runner. She was talking about a 90 minute run she and another friend had done the day before and how tired she was. She talked about how the hard part for her was getting the time down and once she was able to go that long, it was just a matter of increasing her speed. I thought "but, I jog 90 minutes!" So, I think I'm going to read more on how to best increase speed. I heard about alternating speed work and distance work, and that sounded good, but I need to learn more.

Anyway, in the next breath, she was talking about training for the honolulu marathon, and I thought. . ."I want to do that." :rolleyes: It just kinda hit me, since I've never thought or cared about it before other than as a traffic tie up. Apparently people walk marathons in 6 hours. . .I know I can walk that long, and the longest I've ever jogged (slowly) was 2 hours (and even then I only stopped because my ride home was waiting). . .so, I know I'll have to spend longer training than real runners, but that I probably have a base to work from. . .so it's possible.

The Nike 5k is coming up, and I've decided to sign up for that, and then there's the 8mile great Aloha Run in Feb, and I'll do that. . .and that gives me a year and a half before the next marathon (obviously I'm NOT even trying the one in 6 months). I'm not ready to tell anyone about this, because, I'm fat and I know they'd not believe me. . .but losing weight will help me run better, and running will help me lose weight. So, yea, that's my goal. I want to run a marathon. . .and run it well, not to actually care about my time, or anything like that, but because I like running long and I can't think of anything do-able for me that's longer.
 
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Day 5

TODAY'S GOAL:
eat well
enjoy the black eyed peas concert
summon up the self-control to go work out after the concert. ;)

THIS WEEK's GOALS:
lose 2 lbs (168)
be concious of my eating
work out 6 days

THIS MONTH'S GOAL:
get back into the habit of exercising 6 days a week.so far this is a struggle for me. . .I missed 2 days of 5 this week. :mad:

I'm looking forward to a run tonight, but I cannot because it won't be safe to do so as late as I'll be. . .so I'll lift and do the elliptical trainer. I actually prefer to work out at the gym late at night because the gym is empty, and I'm a night person.
 
Day 6

SW: 170/35%bf
CW: 170.8/34% bf
GW: 130

TODAY'S GOAL:
eat well--so far, so good. . .lots of veggies and good protien, need more water though
45 minute run--this'll be a bit of a squeeze. . .I have a work meeting til 5:30 and will get home at 6:15. ..giving me exactly 45 min before Rockstar comes on. . .but it's worth missing the first few min.

THIS WEEK's GOALS:
lose 2 lbs (168)
be concious of my eating
work out 6 days

THIS MONTH'S GOAL:
get back into the habit of exercising 6 days a week.so far this is a struggle for me. . .I missed 2 days of 6 this week.

FOOD:
1 serve crackers
1 serve cheese
1 soy burger
2 serve veggies
eating an apple as we "speak"

EXERCISE:
I don't think this counts for much, but I danced my butt off at the Black Eyed Peas concert last night. They put on a great show, and I spent 2 hours on my feet dancing, most of it with arms up. . .and it's funny but today I feel it in my arms and my stomach and legs like I was in a particularly funky aerobics class. I sweated a ton, and pretty much inhaled water instead of anything else because it felt like a workout.
Today is 45 min. run. . .

MUSHY STUFF (besides my belly, of course) :p
I had fun last night, and I felt great this morning. I got up before my alarm. I wasn't hungry much yesterday evening, and when we stopped at Taco Bell after the concert, I didn't get anything. . .nor did I feel I needed to because it would look weird if I didn't. My companions didn't even comment, so I guess it's making me rethink some of my long-held assumption that I have to eat just 'cause everyone else is. I thought it'd be awkward, but it wasn't.

Also, I downloaded a marathon training schedule from Runner's world and am starting a couple of weeks into the beginner schedule because I know I already log 20 miles a week, and the schedule assumes you only do 15. I also visited the running boards. . soooo informative! I feel really good about this.
 
Glad you had fun at the concert. I'm glad you realized you don't have to eat because everybody else is. I need to remember that.
 
Day 6

SW: 170/35%bf
CW: 170.8/34% bf
GW: 130

TODAY'S GOAL:
eat well--except for a brownie, I did well
45 minute run--ended up walking/riding bike in gym. . .it was just waaaay too hot to run, and I was dehydrated

THIS WEEK's GOALS:
lose 2 lbs (168)--weigh in is tomorrow. . .don't think I made it
be concious of my eating
work out 6 days

THIS MONTH'S GOAL:
get back into the habit of exercising 6 days a week.so far this is a struggle for me. . .I missed 2 days of 7 this week.

FOOD:
apple
2 serve brown rice
2 serve turkey ground
3 serve veggies microwaved
1 small Quiznos sandwich (smoked turkey, but on wheat bread)
1 baked lays
2 diet cokes
33 oz waterthus the dehydration
3 crackers
1 serve cheese

EXERCISE:
Ok, planned on running, but got 1 min. in and got sick. . .so walked for 40 min, and cycled for 20 min. It wasn't the workout I hoped for, but it was something.

MUSHY STUFF
I imported a bunch of photos from late july on my cam. . .they're probably just the same as I look now, and I was horrified. :eek: If I didn't have to take it to work, they'd be my wallpaper as a horrific reminder of how bad I look at this weight. My bone structure is pretty small--little nose, high cheekbones, pointy chin. . .and the extra weight just looks horrible and swollen: double chin, squinty eyes, huge cheeks emphasized by a small chin. It's bad. I walk around thinking I look cute, but the camera shows me looking bad. . .really bad. I look like I'm 5 years older than I am and have popped out children, and in 1 shot I almost look pregnant. . .but in a bad way.

I have to be better about my eating. . .I have to get this working out thing to be a serious habit. I have to lose this weight. I don't want to look like that. . .I want my outside to reflect my inside--bubbly, energetic, and pretty darn it! :mad:
 
Hang in there, you have to start somewhere. It looks like you may not be ready to "run " for cardio, but walking is just as effective as long as your heartrate goes up. As for eating I would say figure what you need to maintain and what you need to eat to lose and then plan your meals. I have found that if I plan my meals (all 6) I do alot better and stay away from eating wrong. It doesn't solve cravings but makes you less likely to cave.
 
I have to say I like your attitude beachbabe - you don't pull any punches and at times are brutally honest with yourself. Translate some of that willpower into eating right and working out and you'll be at your goal weight before you know it.
 
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