Back & ready to be fit & healthy :)

[Avyeon]

Hey! So, I've been on here before, but I wasn't exactly well liked (& for good reason). I ate way too little, yet refused to take anyone's advice & I was pretty snarky towards other members. I developed an eating disorder that I would struggle with for multiple years. I still struggle with disordered eating, but I've been trying to make permanent changes. Eating more, eating healthier foods, making sure I get enough nutrients, exercising more, et cetera. Back then I moved to a disordered eating forum because I did not feel understood here, but I'm ready to have a normal healthy relationship with food and hopefully lose weight in the process.

Stats:
Age: 23 (turning 24 on 30-07!)
G: Female
H: 167cm (just under 5'6)
HW: 88kg (194 lbs) approx 6 months ago.
LW: 60kg (133 lbs) in 2018
CW: A very stubborn 78kg (172 lbs)
Diagnosis: BED & Bulimia (& PDD-NOS)

My days currently mostly consist of working 8 hour shifts at a gas station, and sitting at home doing whatever. I'm about to have a really busy week though since I'll probably be working 4 nights (3pm-11pm), and I'll be getting tattood on the other side of the Netherlands on both tuesday & thurday, plus my birthday is this friday! So excited for this week.

 

[AnnSparks]

Welcome back and I wish you good luck on your journey! Sounds like you've matured a lot over the last little while. Seems you've got a good start on things now and I'm sure you'll be able to get your goals in no time

 

[Llama]

Welcome back Avyeon! I honestly can't remember your time here but I'm so glad to hear you're taking good care of yourself now. Night shifts make it tough to eat well but planning well does help. Is it ok for me to ask what you're getting on your skin?

 

[Avyeon]

Welcome back Avyeon! I honestly can't remember your time here but I'm so glad to hear you're taking good care of yourself now. Night shifts make it tough to eat well but planning well does help. Is it ok for me to ask what you're getting on your skin?

Heyy! I sure do remember you, my account back then was named Syd, but I wanted to make a new one and start with kind of a clean slate. I'll post pics tonight (its difficult to post pics on phone), but Im getting a small cute cat balloon on my ankle and I'm getting Super Juniors diamond shaped logo with some watercolor behind it.

The balloon is really just to let a tattoo apprentice practice on me (she only charges €20) and her other work looks nice, so I figured why not. The Super Junior logo is something I had planned for a while, Im saving my entire left arm for nostalgic tattoos, and since Super Junior is really important to me now, thatll also be nostalgic in 5-10 years.

 

[Llama]

Heyy! I sure do remember you,

Oops, I hope I wasn't too hard on you / Your tattoo plans sound fun: best of luck!

 

[Avyeon]

Oops, I hope I wasn't too hard on you / Your tattoo plans sound fun: best of luck!

Oh nono dont worry haha! I was kind of mean to everyone who tried to give me advice.

 

[Llama]

Sounds like you changed things around and that's the main thing so don't worry about it

 

[Avyeon]

July 25th, 2021.
I had a pretty good day at work today! I work at a gas station & I worked from 15:00-23:00. About 15 minutes into my shift someone gave me a tip (unintended I think?) of €10. I got pretty nice tips throughout the day honestly. Lots of near €1 tips. It was quite the interesting day too, no idea if I'm allowed to mention this, but I found a tiny seal on the floor. Basically, someone lost their cocaine. I threw it out, obviously. But I just thought that was funny. Unfortunately also had to deal with a fly infestation though. They weren't regular flies, idk what they were, but they had pinchers at the front and they seemed to mostly like to crawl around instead of fly. I hope my boss calls an exterminator tomorrow before my shift because I'm working 15:00-23:00 again.
My goal for now is to have over 1,000 calories, but less than 1,750. Today I was initially around 850, but I didn't want to end the day that low. I need to get some more proper late night snacks, since the only options I had were small pizzas (about 190 kcal each) and tomato soup. I ended up choosing the tomato soup, because I don't want to have pizza that late at night. To end the day I had a nice cup of milky way flavored hot chocolate. If you own a Dolce Gusto machine, definitely try it! It's SO good!

Meals:
Breakfast (12:00):
- 2 whole grain crackers (56) with cheese (70) and chicken (21)
- 1 rice cracker (26) with a cheese triangle (41)
- 1 pink lady (72)
- Coffee with creamer (30)

Lunch (14:00):
- 200g greek yogurt (65), cinnamon & sweetener, 10g honey (30), half a banana (53) & 10g puffed wheat (36)

Dinner (18:00):
- 200g cauliflower rice (52), 90g shrimps (76), red curry paste (87), coconut milk (42), 75g green beans (26) & 75g sweet peas (66).

Late night snacks (around 0:00):
- 400 ml tomato soup (179)
- Milky way flavored hot chocolate (68)

Total: 1,096 kcal

 

[Cate]

Welcome back. It is good to hear that you are doing much better. It wasn’t a matter of liking or disliking you & I think most of us worried about you. We’re here to support one another & we do promote losing weight in a healthy way. I love the look of that shrimp dish. Yum!

 

[Avyeon]

Welcome back Avyeon! I honestly can't remember your time here but I'm so glad to hear you're taking good care of yourself now. Night shifts make it tough to eat well but planning well does help. Is it ok for me to ask what you're getting on your skin?

So I might get the balloon one in pink, not sure yet! And I don't have a pic of the logo with the watercolor behind it, but that's the logo I'll be getting tattood.

 

[Avyeon]

Welcome back. It is good to hear that you are doing much better. It wasn’t a matter of liking or disliking you & I think most of us worried about you. We’re here to support one another & we do promote losing weight in a healthy way. I love the look of that shrimp dish. Yum!

Oh for sure, I actually just looked up the thread I used to post in & god I turned a mess so quickly. You were all really caring and I basically ignored all of everyone's advice and continued to make posts of me losing weight & barely eating 200 calories a day. I don't plan on going back there, trust me.

 

[Avyeon]

July 26th, 2021.
So, today was a little bit more difficult than the average day. First, I had planned on waking up at 8:00 and go to the gym. But I had such a bad night of sleep that I decided to stay in bed longer. I woke up at 12, which left me no time to do the things I had planned to do, like buying a blender, cat food & litter, getting groceries and preparing myself a meal for the night. I kind of stuffed my face before work because I didn't want to feel hungry during my shift. However, once I got to my shift my boss had a leftover croissant and a chocolate croissant. I wanted to just take one bite and throw the rest out, but I didn't realize how much of a trigger bread still is to me. I ate both croissants, took laxatives (one of my bad habits) and barely ate anything for the rest of the day, other than me buying a small €1 bag with 9 candies in it. Not the healthiest option by far, but when you work at a small gas station, proper foods are hard to come by. I had actually taken a frozen lasagna to work, but I didn't want to have like 600 calories after already having consumed about 1,100 by 15:30.
I weighed myself when I got home though (after the laxatives had done its work) and I weighed 76,9kg. I allowed myself to have a late night snack (I heated a small pizza, I really to go get better options). I considered ordering takeout and purging it, but the small pizza left me pretty satisfied. I'm currently dying my hair because it's currently brown instead of black. Last time our hair dresser dyed my hair, she used my moms platinum blonde hair dye on me by accident, so my roots and some hair had turned a lighter shade of brown by the time we found out.
I have a lot planned tomorrow. I'll have to wake up by 6:30, go get cat litter, go back home & change the litter box (it's really necessary), go bring back one of the keys from work I took home by accident, go to Amsterdam, get Starbucks for the tattoo artists, get tattood, go home, go to the gym, get other groceries & go to work from 18:00-23:00. After that I'll have 3 days off so I'm really excited!

Food diary 26/07
Breakfast (244):
- 2 crackers (56) with cheese (70) & chicken (21)
- 1 rice cracker (26) with a cheese triangle (41)
- Coffee with creamer (30)

Lunch (445+?):
- Mini Hawaiian pizza (190)
- Breaded fish with herbs (255)
- Croissant (?)
- Chocolate croissant (?)

Snacks:
- Small bag of candy (?)
- Mini Hawaiian pizza (190)

Total: 879 + ? I'm assuming the croissants + the candy are maybe 800 calories but I'm really unsure on that so I'd rather just not try to guess.

 

[Avyeon]

I'm thinking about getting some tools to be able to do some proper meal prepping. Seems like it would really come in handy since I often work in the evenings. I'm looking up US cup measuring tools & some meal prep containers right now.

 

[Llama]

Meal prep can be a little annoying but I find it super helpful! Sorry to hear the laxatives got their claws into you
My usual strategy (when I'm counting; I'm currently not) for unlabeled food is to compare it to a brand item of similar size. Of course you still might be off by a bit but it's better than nothing. The candies should have the nutritional value on the packaging - or if not the brand plus the weight should make them easy to look up.

 

[Avyeon]

So, while I haven't exactly kept track of calories yesterday is because Wednesday is have-fries-at-dads-place-day. I did take laxatives afterwards but I decided to not be nitpicky about how many fries I had and just ate normally. I did go to the grocery store yesterday night though to get a lot of stuff for meal preps! I'm so excited to try this stuff out! I've also ordered a rice cooker, meal containers, US measurement cups and a blender.
All I still really need are a few more groceries after looking up some recipes, and I need some more kitchen tools to make things like zucchini noodles and stuff like that. So, while grocery shopping I noticed a lot of really nice meats were on sale. And I love me some nice meat. So I bought 3 frozen steaks & a huge chunk of frozen beef & I'm so excited to find ways to use them in recipes.

Here's some pics of the grocery haul, but I still need plain popcorn kernels, some spices, carrots, zucchini, bananas & walnuts. I'm actually so excited to try new, nutritious foods and recipes, my fridge has never seen more green haha.

 

[Cate]

I'm actually so excited to try new, nutritious foods and recipes, my fridge has never seen more green haha.

That’s lovely to read. That looks & sounds like a great shop. Well done.

 

[Avyeon]

I ended up getting a few more things. I read up on this banana ice cream recipe, that's really just frozen bananas, maple syrup (I'll be using vanilla extract instead), a dash of coconut milk & walnuts. That same person also mentioned a way to turn popcorn into a lovely snack by just coating it in a mix of your favourite spices. I was initially planning on getting some from another grocery store where they were cheaper, but I found these large bags at my usual grocery store & I thought they were perfect. First I gotta go get tattood though! Then I'm going to pick up the blender, meal containers & measuring cups, and just stopping by a European version of dollar tree to get me a few kitchen tools. I wanna see my new tattoo so bad! But I gotta travel to Amsterdam first & then sit through 2-ish hours of tattooing. Can't wait!

 

[Llama]

Best of luck with your tattoo!

 

[Avyeon]

Just posting some images over the past few days. I'll be back to proper calorie counting in a bit, but obviously the days leading up to my birthday I've been a bit more relaxed around food.

Here's my new tats! So happy with both of them. The balloon was done by someone who's only been tattooing since July 7th, so I was really impressed. The second one was done by a professional & obviously turned out fantastic.



I also finally did some cleaning I hadn't been able to do before. I wanted to put my new kitchen tools to the test but to do that I had to clean my insanely dirty kitchen up a bit obviously. Before & after pics.

 

[Avyeon]

And obviously when I had cleaned everything, I also wanted to make something haha. Tried out my rice cooker right away! Also I had been looking for a small jar to blend some spices, and I found this really adorable spice rack instead. Only paid €7 for the rotatable holder + 8 (empty) jars.



Aaaand just a few meal pics I took over the last days. The M&Ms were actually a very conscious choice since I was just on my way to getting tattood. It's definitely best to have something sugary before so you don't start feeling lightheaded during the tattoo. I did actually start feeling a little bit lightheaded as he was tattooing, because the wrist is pretty sensitive. But I sat through it and I'm pretty sure it would've been worse if I hadn't had that food beforehand.