Anorexia

[missblonde4878]

Morning everyone!

Woke up this morning and just have some stuff on my mind that I need to get out there.

My cousin, who is 21 years old, has been struggling with Anorexia for the past 7 years. She suffered child abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, you name it..up until the point when she was 14 and her mother kicked her out of the house because the school noticed that she was losing too much weight and her mother was embarrassed.

Her father (my dad's brother) was given custody of her when she came out of the hospital at 15. At the time, he was married to another woman who became Maggie's second mother and played a good part in her life. There are so many more details to the story, but I'd be here for days and recruited by every talk show out there if I went into all of them.

I came into the picture in June of this year. I was never really close to her, and never really knew the extent of the situation, but we became very close over the summer, and I have been her main support system.

I have researched, I have looked for places to help support the family members going through it. Maggie is currently in the hospital now, and is still at a very low weight.

I go in for Family Sessions, read various books, do as much research as I can, and still find it impossible to find anyone who can really HELP the family member.

ANAD - which is supposed to be the national organization for Anorexia was not even really that helpful -- and their whole website says that they are there to help because they know how hard it is to find help..

So, my question is...anyone else out there going through a similar situation or have any family members that are suffering from this horrible disease? Any suggestions on areas of support?

Its a shot in the dark - but any suggestions out there would really help...

Thanks all.

 

[maleficent]

check out it's one of the better eating disorder websites around -

 

[missblonde4878]

Thank you so much! I'm surprised I never came across that website..it has some good stuff.

Thanks again.

 

[Arthur10]

I want to share some infos with you that
Anorexia Nervosa is defined as a mental state which is characterized by a phobia of becoming obese. Regular Dieting leads to a loss of appetite and other ensuing complications. Cloves are very useful in increasing the appetite of the anorexia patient.

 

[missblonde4878]

So, yesterday, my cousin got out of the hospital. She hit her discharge weight of 115 lbs so they released her. She said that she took a cab home and she called me and wanted to come over and celebrate being out - I told her it was perfect because my boyfriend made his famous homemade chicken pot pie and she could finally taste it - she acted excited about it.

Prior to her going into the hospital, she used to come over and hang out a lot. On the weekends, we would have a few cocktails and then she would usually sleep over. In the mornings, we would go to McDonald's for breakfast.

I've changed my habits since she has gone into the hospital - I haven't eaten at McDonalds or had a cocktail since before November. So, I wasn't sure how the visit last night was going to go.

Well, when she got here, she wanted to get a bottle of liquor to celebrate and I told her I wasn't really into drinking - but she insisted.

Long story short - she didn't eat anything while she was here. It was very awkward because my boyfriend and I both made our plates - and she pretended she was distracted by playing with my dogs. My boyfriend even asked her if she was going to eat any chicken pot pie and she kind of just gave him a plain look.

I went to frequent family sessions with her father and her social worker - at which we all tried discussing what it is that we could do to support her once she got out of the hospital. She assured us that she was going to be better and try really hard to beat this disease.

I feel like I'm rambling and going all over the place - but the point I'm trying to get to is the way I felt last night when she didn't eat. I was like frozen - didn't know what to do - didn't know if I should remind her about the importance of her eating.

She noticed all of my workout tapes and asked me if I had been working out - she noticed my calendar and saw different things I had written on it for the challenge I'm doing on the Forum - and then asked me what the Forum was all about. I briefly told her because her social worker told me to avoid discussing weight, dieting, exercising at all costs - but what should I have done? Lied?

After I told her about it, she said that she wanted to join and go on a diet and start working out with me - I told her that if she wants to build muscle, she needs weights, not cardio.

The whole situation was just very awkward for me - it even got to the point where I faked not feeling well so that she wouldn't sleep over.

I'm so frustrated - I plan on calling her social worker on Monday morning - because I honestly wasn't expecting to be as uncomfortable as I was with her.

 

[[Focus]1]

I have an "anorexobulimic" friend, myself. It's pretty rough having to watch what she does to herself over time. There's not really much you, as a friend/family member can do about it. Try to support her as much as you can, and draw your swords when she crosses the proverbial line in the sand.

She once told me that the best support I can possibly give her is to, "Be the sequoia that shelters [her] when [she] can't go on and the storm that scours [her] when [she's] strong." I try to conduct myself accordingly. It sometimes results in a game of cat and mouse, with her wanting to see me but trying very hard to hide things from me. Sadly, for both of us, I rarely miss anything. Enter a whole lot of awkwardness. And at times, bitterness and even disgust, on both our parts. It's sort of tragic at times, really, but hey, I love the girl.

The vigilance (that you've already demonstrated and seem intent on continuing), I think it's all you can do, if you're sure it's worth it, and that at least a tiny part of her wants to "get better". Me, I'm neurotic. 7 years is a long time to carry a relationship. Unfortunately, I pride myself on never breaking a promise. I don't feel that you owe that much to someone you haven't known all that long, but your life is not mine; I'm not even remotely qualified to make that decision.

Just try to find all the resources you can, be it knowledge, people, or organizations/services. Most importantly, remember life's principle onus: to endure. I don't really have much to offer you with regard to your actual request. Most of my knowledge was obtained from psych textbooks, and the physical, personnel type resources, local.

 

[missblonde4878]

It sometimes results in a game of cat and mouse, with her wanting to see me but trying very hard to hide things from me. Sadly, for both of us, I rarely miss anything. Enter a whole lot of awkwardness. And at times, bitterness and even disgust, on both our parts. It's sort of tragic at times, really, but hey, I love the girl.

Those are the words I was trying to find exactly when I started the thread - its the part I'm experiencing now. At first, when I was uneducated about the disease, our relationship was very fun, silly. The more that I began to learn about it, and about her, the closer that I got and the more she let me in, the more awkward it got.

It sucks because I hate to see what she is doing to herself - and watching the disease control her the way it does is like watching someone try to kill her and have no way of stopping it or helping her.

Just knowing that you have been there too is helpful - sometimes I feel like a horrible person if I get disgusted or frustrated. I give her father a lot of credit because he has been there since it started and is still going strong with the support.

I just wish there was a way I could crawl inside her head and get rid of the disease for her - but unfortunately, reality won't let me.

 

[[Focus]1]

I just wish there was a way I could crawl inside her head and get rid of the disease for her - but unfortunately, reality won't let me.

Medical science is making advances every day.

Don't judge yourself too harshly. Her father's had a lot more practice. What I do is I make a conscious effort, every so often, to really take a look at the girl I love, rather than the problem. A few minutes of focused appreciation can make an amazing difference. I'm not saying to overlook anything, though. In fact, just the opposite. Take it all in, just try not to give the bad stuff too much weight. Particularly when you're already in a foul mood.

Realize, form the start, that you're not perfect. At times you will fail to be supportive, or overreactive, or just not (want to) be there at all; That's okay. It's not our failures that matter, but rather, the accumulation of little successes; A net positive effect.

 

[LandonsBaby]

somethingfishy is great. you can also do searches locally. do you have a local mental health association? there is national site but also many cities have a local chapter and they can help you find doctors and support groups. Here is the directory to search for an office in your location. I did some work with my MHA revolving around eating disorders. They can really be helpful.