first off....it's nice to meet you all...i have looked into other forums but i ended up picking this one, because it just feels *right*...i know, now you're thinking "oh great...we got one of those people on here"...but, i guess that's part of who i am....if it feels right, then try it, ya know?
second...i have been married for 10.5 years, i have 3 boys (9yrs, 7yrs, and 10months)...yes, the baby was a surprise! we thought we were done, but the baby apparently had other plans...lol, thank God he did...cuz i love em all!
lets see...alittle about my past....
growing up i was a tomboy (you name the sport, i played it well), i continued with sports/exercise throughout highschool and although i've never been skinny, i was fit and healthy. i got married at 19, and weighed 135 pounds (i'm 5'4"), so technically i was slightly overweight by 10 pounds (but muscle weighs more than fat, i was musclular...then)
after seven weeks of marriage, i found out i was 5 weeks pregnant (surprise!)
for the first time in my life, i saw food as something that i could eat alot of...65 pounds later, and i began understanding that putting it on is much easier than taking it off! (should have read that brochure!)
it took awhile but by simply walking on a daily routine, i did manage to lose 30pounds, and then when the oldest was a little less than a year and a half old, i was pregnant again...this time i read the manual more closely, and only gained 45pounds...still alot considering my height!
i had terrible post-partum deppression, and instead of losing weight after birth, i gained...and at the time i didn't care, because food made me "feel better", and i didn't have any other option (or so i thought at the time)
when the youngest was a year and a half, i began working as a correctional officer...this meant going through the academy, and that meant having PT every day (physical training)...
in the course of the 7 weeks, i went from 210 pounds, down to 180pounds...
i felt ausome, and very proud of myself...
fast forward through four and a half years of working in a male prison (the biggest in the state), and wam! back up to the original number....
this was in part due to clinical depression (undiagnosed at the time), working on midnight shift for 2 years, and then working on second shift with alot of midnight forced overtime (called being "frozen" 'cuz you can't leave your area, due to not having someone taking over the next shift)
not only was i working alot, but i was depressed because i had felt like i was no longer in my childrens life, i had no love life with hubby because i was aaalllwwwaaayyyysss tired, and had no energy for even mundane things like cleaning...this was overwhelming enough, then add to it the increased stress of being promoted to Sergeant (having so much more responsibility), and it just was the worst time in my life....
i didn't turn to food, though....instead i turned to not eating...my body went into a state of starvation, and has held onto to the fat ever since...
so, here's the present....
no longer an officer/sergeant, i'm staying at home for the moment (though, i have a job pending with a family practice medical office part time! yeah!)
and once the nursing is done with youngest (another month) i'll be hopefully working about 35 hours a week, or so...
my marriage is happy, and my kids are all healthy and happy...
i look at them now, and realize how much i'm missing out, because i don't have the energy to play with them...or i try to walk with them, and i'm out of breath in a few minutes....they see that, and then i feel so horrible....
i am now on zoloft for the depression (so that has evened me out, a bit), and it's safe for breastfeeding so it's a great drug (in my humble opinion)
but....i'm not happy with what i look like...i hate that i have about 75 or more pounds to lose....i hate the way i look in pictures....in mirrors...in life....
and i've come here, in order to find inspiration, motivation, etc....
sorry this was so long....i guess i add here, that i have a habit of babbling when i'm tired (and baby didn't sleep well last night...so i'm exhausted!)
nice to meet you all...and thank you for any responses, in advance....
hope to chat with you soon!
-bobbie
second...i have been married for 10.5 years, i have 3 boys (9yrs, 7yrs, and 10months)...yes, the baby was a surprise! we thought we were done, but the baby apparently had other plans...lol, thank God he did...cuz i love em all!
lets see...alittle about my past....
growing up i was a tomboy (you name the sport, i played it well), i continued with sports/exercise throughout highschool and although i've never been skinny, i was fit and healthy. i got married at 19, and weighed 135 pounds (i'm 5'4"), so technically i was slightly overweight by 10 pounds (but muscle weighs more than fat, i was musclular...then)
after seven weeks of marriage, i found out i was 5 weeks pregnant (surprise!)
for the first time in my life, i saw food as something that i could eat alot of...65 pounds later, and i began understanding that putting it on is much easier than taking it off! (should have read that brochure!)
it took awhile but by simply walking on a daily routine, i did manage to lose 30pounds, and then when the oldest was a little less than a year and a half old, i was pregnant again...this time i read the manual more closely, and only gained 45pounds...still alot considering my height!
i had terrible post-partum deppression, and instead of losing weight after birth, i gained...and at the time i didn't care, because food made me "feel better", and i didn't have any other option (or so i thought at the time)
when the youngest was a year and a half, i began working as a correctional officer...this meant going through the academy, and that meant having PT every day (physical training)...
in the course of the 7 weeks, i went from 210 pounds, down to 180pounds...
i felt ausome, and very proud of myself...
fast forward through four and a half years of working in a male prison (the biggest in the state), and wam! back up to the original number....
this was in part due to clinical depression (undiagnosed at the time), working on midnight shift for 2 years, and then working on second shift with alot of midnight forced overtime (called being "frozen" 'cuz you can't leave your area, due to not having someone taking over the next shift)
not only was i working alot, but i was depressed because i had felt like i was no longer in my childrens life, i had no love life with hubby because i was aaalllwwwaaayyyysss tired, and had no energy for even mundane things like cleaning...this was overwhelming enough, then add to it the increased stress of being promoted to Sergeant (having so much more responsibility), and it just was the worst time in my life....
i didn't turn to food, though....instead i turned to not eating...my body went into a state of starvation, and has held onto to the fat ever since...
so, here's the present....
no longer an officer/sergeant, i'm staying at home for the moment (though, i have a job pending with a family practice medical office part time! yeah!)
and once the nursing is done with youngest (another month) i'll be hopefully working about 35 hours a week, or so...
my marriage is happy, and my kids are all healthy and happy...
i look at them now, and realize how much i'm missing out, because i don't have the energy to play with them...or i try to walk with them, and i'm out of breath in a few minutes....they see that, and then i feel so horrible....
i am now on zoloft for the depression (so that has evened me out, a bit), and it's safe for breastfeeding so it's a great drug (in my humble opinion)
but....i'm not happy with what i look like...i hate that i have about 75 or more pounds to lose....i hate the way i look in pictures....in mirrors...in life....
and i've come here, in order to find inspiration, motivation, etc....
sorry this was so long....i guess i add here, that i have a habit of babbling when i'm tired (and baby didn't sleep well last night...so i'm exhausted!)
nice to meet you all...and thank you for any responses, in advance....
hope to chat with you soon!
-bobbie
