Advise for my Dad

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blueberry

New member
Hello all,

My dad used to be stick thin.. highly athletic and could anything he wanted without putting on weight.. then he got into the habit of fast food eating and high-stress due to fast promotions in his line of work.. a few years later, and for the last decade, he's been obese with diabetes. my mum has tried everything from therapy to regulating his meals to going exercising with him.. we've lived in the country for the last decade, he retired and just plays music, but it just hasnt gone down.. he binge eats alot and eats late, and rewards his stress with eating his favourite foods no matter how much he'd already eaten (like a whole pizza, or chunks of cheese with houmous/whatever) but he doesnt really seem able to digest what we say to him. the good thing though is that he doesnt seem to have put on any more weight, and i think he managed to loss 5-10 pounds over the last few months (he was looking healthier), so hopefully something is happening.

has anyone been in this situation and would know how to help him change his lifestyle? or maybe to help me understand why he's so resistant? he's always overdoing it and finding stressful things to keep him going, he's a perfectionist and obsessive, and i worry if he doesnt stop he'll have a heart attack before he's 65 (he's 50). also, he stopped taking an abrasive diabetes medication 6 months ago where he had to eat whenever he felt hungry or hed crash, so, he's gotten into some bad habits with that. eg when he feels hungry, he frantically eats, very quickly, and usually double portions. it was a very terrible time for him, on that stuff. tired all the time, worn out, ill a lot.
 
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Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make him change until he is ready to and wants to. Nagging or pushing will only make him more resistant and might even be counter productive.

The best you can do is set a good example by eating healthily, exercising, and letting him know that you care about him.
 
Hello,

yes.. showing i look out for him certainly, i dont do that enough. i always eat well around him just so he can see that it's ok to enjoy food and still be healthy, like leaving food on my plate and refusing seconds. my mum is extraordinarily health conscious, eats well and keeps fit (i dont live with them), though yes she nags him and feels it is her responsibility to get him healthy.

if i see him eating silly things then ill tell him to stop cause its not good for him and that i dont like it (which i suppose doesnt help cause really he's the one that shouldnt like it) but he gets defensive, and yes, it usually means he eats even more at the time, almost like to prove a point.. but it's always with a hint of depression, and im not sure if he realises he does it =/ ive seen him eat large slabs of cooking butter on its own to go with the taste of a sandwich, and then whine at me with depression in his voice for telling him to take it out of his mouth *sigh

i cant imagine how demeaning being told to stop eating must feel, but it's hard to not be blunt when he eats things like that, and sneaks in food like takeaways at night.. i dont think he wants to accept that its ok be happy with just eating healthily, that he doesnt have to be limited by his diabetes, though i know he loves eating good, healthy food, and he's a good cook.

sometimes i wonder if it's just he hasnt come to grips with having diabetes yet, but i dont know how to help him come to terms with it, and my mum doesnt either. everything weve tried just seems to be too much on the surface to help in the long term.

:leaving: sorry for the long-winded rant, but, i think about it alot and is generally out of my control. i live 6 hours away from my dad, so really all i can do is encourage him to swim, cause he used to be very good and we have that in common, it makes him happy.
 
Do you live nearby? One thing you could potentially do is figure out healthier alternatives and when he has a craving, offer to get it for him, but slip in the healthier version.

Does he want ice cream? Maybe you can offer to get him frozen yogurt or some fresh fruit. Pizza? Well, even though it's not exactly healthy, finding a whole wheat, smaller pizza to give him instead of what he'd fetch for himself might be better. If he wants hummus & cheese, try giving him half cheese, half celery. If he objects you can always try the "Well, try it and if you don't like it I'll get you the other kind." Although it will help if the unhealthiest treats aren't in the house and he has to go out and get them.

I understand it's not easy :/ You can't make someone want to be healthy, but you can try to get them excited about healthier foods. I try to get my sweetie to be my taste tester for new (and healthier) creations - sometimes it even works :p
 
blueberry said:
has anyone been in this situation and would know how to help him change his lifestyle? or maybe to help me understand why he's so resistant?
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He's becoming a grumpy old man. Grumpy old men don't give a shit about aaaaanything, especially other peoples' opinions.

My dad is almost 60 and he's turning into a grouch himself. He doesn't care about anything, he doesn't listen to what other people say, he's lazy, he does what he wants and he most certainly eats what he wants.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it.
 
Hi Jeanette. Yes, that is a good idea, getting him excited about healthier foods.

Thanks ChefChiTown, that's an interesting way of looking at it ^_^ he has literally just turned 50 years old.
 
In addition to getting him excited, you can also make it seem more about you getting healthier than him. If you can get him to be your taste tester, tell him you're experimenting with ways for you to be healthier, and what does he think about it. I've noticed parents can be way more protective of their kids than of themselves so if he doesn't feel like you're trying to run his life, but instead are asking him for his help it might make him a little more reasonable.
 
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