No one in my life understands The anxiety is killing me. It's not that my stomach is too small. My anxiety makes food overwhelming. Makes me feel nassau about food. I am 45 pounds underweight. My doctor don't care, my mother has her own mental pain to deal with and says I should double what I eat, even though we don't have enough food to do that. My doctor is a moron, I give up. I will allow myself to go 50 pounds underweight, 55 pounds underweight. Then see how long it takes for somebody to care. My mother says she has noticed I am too skinny, but all she can do is tell me to eat more. Father just says eat more. I give up. My mom hasn't gone shopping for food, so we have like nothing. I begged her to go out, but she says she needs a day without anyone expecting things from her. Yet she has been saying that for about 5 days now. I have never been normal weight in my life, except when I was a young kid. I can't remeber if I was depressed then. If no one cares about my weight and health around me, why should I?
Maybe I will just get a heart attack in my sleep if I am lucky and not when i can feel it.
