How would you feel if your boyfriend/girlfriend became fat?

T

Tinet

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Personally if my boyfriend became fat, I think I would feel like he doesn't care about me anymore. I need him to be healthy if we ever have children; to show them the good example. I think a relationship definitely works better if we are physically attracted to one another. (Not saying it would fall apart if we weren't, just that it's easier if we are.) Plus I'm somebody that's very active and careful about her diet and general wellness. I don't think it would work long term if I was with somebody who doesn't care (like a Mc'Donalds fan or an in-active person :confused4: ).

To me, it would indicate that he has no respect for me and our life together. That would make me sad and resentful. I doubt I would leave him over that, but I would absolutely let him know that I'm not happy with the situation.
 
People tend to get "comfortable" when settling into a relationship. You have your significant other and you don't need to impress anybody. If you feel like they have let themselves go, there's no problem with inviting them to the gym with you. You just have to know how to say it nicely without making them think you're calling them fat.
 
General thing is to find someone who values the same as you do, but be sure you love the underlying person because somethings happen that you can't predict. If image is everything you could lose out badly.

My wife is genetically gifted for power, for a number of years she enjoyed lifting iron and had an easily underestimated physique as many power lifters do.
Damage from a source no-one should have to view with mistrust meant that after our son was born the internal damage changed the pain she suffered from being varied from background to bad into everyday unbearable.
The result was that she needed a total hysterectomy and cannot lift heavy anymore, likely ever.
The genetics that made her brilliant with power mean she also finds it hard to stay trim, combined with enforced inactivity she put on body fat and lost muscle. Change was an increase in weight by just over a stone, which is 14 pounds or 5-6kg. She hates the way she looks and her inability to be able to train as she likes, but is gradually adapting and training in other ways that she can enjoy safely.

I view my wife through rose tinted glasses because I love her. The character and person I married is still there and she didn't get this way because of not loving or caring about me. Net result is that we are still very happily married, and always will be.

There is a section in Good Will Hunting I like where someone is afraid to meet a girl the second time to see that she isn't perfect. 'I'll let you in a little secret kid, she's not perfect, and neither are you, and that's not important, what's important is if you are perfect for each other.'
 
That's very reasonable sayings here, CrazyOldMan.
I didn't mention that if he ever got fat/increased weight because of a potential injury/disease it wouldn't be the same.

I mean I couldn't be with someone who's fully capable of doing things but doesn't: doesn't make efforts, eats everything whenever they want to and acts lazy all the time; that's probably not gonna be the case of my boyfriend, since he's the one who got me into the gym for the first time and encourages me with my progress.
 
Tinet

If you are into fitness, it is highly unlikely that you will end up in a serious relationship with someone who will be content not being at all fit and active. You would drive each other totally insane, and split in minutes.

My success rate was never high when I was on the single scene, for a number of reasons, including my habit of letting people know the worst of me up front. One of the other killers was insisting on something between the ears, terrifyingly rare. I remember asking someone their name, after it taking them a while of vacant staring to figure it out I left them to it. This wasn't helped by my appearance, being fit with long hair, back when I had some, and stuble meant I was supposed to be brainless according to common opinion, and many walked away from me after finding out I wasn't.

The person I have ended up with is fitter than average even with everything that has gone on and considers this a poor reflection on the average, intelligent and intolerant, we get along great. There are a number of other things that make her wonderful to me and a nightmare for many in the same way as I am for her.
 
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I'm fortunate enough to be single, so I don't have to worry about that at this point in time. I agree with everything Oldie said.

My first girlfriend gained something like 15kg in the 9 months we were together (hmm, those numbers are a bit suspicious). Over the course of those 9 months, I got enough lessons to almost learn that when your girlfriend complains that she's "gained another 5 kilos," the correct response is not to make recommendations about her calorie consumption and macros. I still have no idea what the correct response is, but I'm fairly clued in by now on what it isn't. Took 1.5 girlfriends before the message finally kicked in, although if my observations of the general population are in any way reliable, that's still early recognition.

I don't expect someone I'm with to have the same fitness behaviours as me, but that's because I take what's conventionally considered "too much" training, double it, and then call it a quick workout. But I wouldn't be quick to enter into a relationship with someone who doesn't like to do something active, and I can't imagine ever being with someone who thinks healthy food is gross.
 
CrazyOldMan: You are absolutely right here. The only thing that tickles me a bit about my significant other is his eating behavior. He works physically and trains with me 2-3 times a week but he's like, an eating machine (maybe the fact he's still only 19 affects this haha) and he rarely ever eats well. Especially when we go at his dad's - who cooks with the whole butter box and the salt dispenser next to him. U_U

He drinks a ton of Nesquik too, probably something like 1 liter a day, that's crazy. He's thin but is slowly starting to develop a chubby tummy. Not that it bothers me so much, but he doesn't seem to realize that it's because of all the unnecessary calories, sugars and fats.. I do tell him but it sound a bit awkward when we're out with friends/in front of our family.
It makes me a bit aggressive but I'm like this with everyone, I cannot stand it when people eat unproperly.

Thanks for your answers you both!
 
I tend to say I am part time fitness fanatic, full time eating machine, and I was 19 once, just over half my life ago.
I have consumed my share of absolute junk but desire to do better on training and need for more fuel drove me to high complex carb diet I have now. Most see this as too bland, and in fairness I tolerate plain food better than most as a means to an end. It could be worth making up a few things that are good and taste it too to show the alternatives and make it a bit special too.

Most extreme thing I remember food wise. Galaxy had an anniversary bar out years ago, 2kg of some of the least healthy food imaginable, I gave my girlfriend at that time as much as she wanted, about 3 or 4 pieces, and ate the rest. I was doing so much at that time, it didn't affect, my weight, how well my abs showed or even my appetite.
I have recently had two deep fried mars bars with ice cream, the first was so nice I went back another day for a second.
Now the 27inch waist is a memory, but in fairness this disappeared in the name of wanting to squat and deadlift heavier so there are still abs though not as pretty and permanently on show, less 6 pack more varying between 1 and 4. My wife is happy with how I look and there is no-one else I need to impress so I don't care.

I am more obsessive about fitness than my wife or anyone else I see daily or weekly for that matter. In fairness I am lucky to find someone willing to tolerate my training, especially when it means having lost half our front room to a gymnasium. It can be difficult to remember but we are the strange ones for prioritising fitness so highly, most are more likely to have beer at higher level than exercise. Of course this shouldn't stop us seeking others equally as weird.

Enjoy your training, and everything else.
 
Goldfish said:
I got enough lessons to almost learn that when your girlfriend complains that she's "gained another 5 kilos," the correct response is not to make recommendations about her calorie consumption and macros. I still have no idea what the correct response is, but I'm fairly clued in by now on what it isn't.
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From my years of experience in relationships, the best response I have come up with is "I think you look great sweetie, but if you really feel bad, you can come to the gym with me and I'll show you a thing or two. That will make you feel better". Let them know you still desire them, but care and want to help them feel better about themselves.
 
Yes this is real problem , i recently talked to a girl and she told me that her boyfriend of 2 years just left her and called her ugly and fat because she became overweight , she was depressed and decides to start loisng fat in the gym . i agree with about "the no respect " but not everyone can control his weight anyway people' s reactions are quite differents so .....
 
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